James Ennis 18 Points Full Highlights (1/19/2019)

Watching the present iteration of the Rockets is almost comical. Teams have decided that they are willing to let the Rockets’ role-players shoot wide open threes rather than let Harden do what he wants. Some of those role-players, like James Nunnally, what the heck is he doing out there, aren’t capable of making those teams…

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Eric Gordon 30 Points Full Highlights (1/19/2019)

Eric Gordon ROBBED (remember, typing things in all caps is how to get people to pay attention to your work) James Harden of a 50-burger by selfishly hogging all the foulball free throws at the end of the game. Who would you want shooting those game-sealing gimmes? The meatball whose only accomplishment in the game…

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P.J. Tucker 20 Points Full Highlights (1/16/2019)

People think that the highlight videos I make are the star of the show and everything else is an afterthought, but here’s the truth: the stuff I make is an overarching work that comprises three equal parts. The video itself, the description, and the thumbnail. All three of those things are of equal importance to…

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Danuel House 15 Points Full Highlights (1/14/2019)

Lost in the glorious, overpoweringly bright aura of James Harden’s 57-point game is the smaller, less luminary aura of Danuel House’s 15-point game. He was the second-best scorer on the team, and while his contributions didn’t directly contribute to an actual win (because the Rockets won by more points [18] than House scored [15]), they…

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Austin Rivers 25 Points Full Highlights (1/13/2019)

“Dear Diary, Today we got to play in Orlando where I grew up! When I was little I went to Disney World all the time with my babysitter. It was so much fun meeting all the Disney characters like Goofy and Cinderella and Mickey. The best part is they remembered me every time I went,…

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P.J. Tucker 21 Points/7 Threes Full Highlights (1/7/2019)

The Rockets commentators could not stop bringing up the fact that P.J. “Peej” Tucker was, prior to this game, in a three-point shooting slump so deep it made the Mariana Trench look like a bike track through packed dirt, so I enlisted the help of the invaluable basketball-reference website to help me fact-check these claims….

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Gerald Green 21 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (1/7/2019)

Sometimes I look at dudes like Gerald Green, the dudes who have the really cool hair patterns on their head, and I think: why doesn’t my hair do that? All my hair does is sit there. It doesn’t make any patterns. How do I get my hair to grow into patterns like that? Do I…

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Austin Rivers 21 Points Full Highlights (1/5/2019)

“Dear Diary, Today after we lost to the Blazers, coach Mike was real angry with us. He said we need to “step up” because James can’t win the game all by himself. Then he said “Austin stepped up but nobody else did” and that made me happy even though he said it an angry way….

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Austin Rivers 18 Points Full Highlights (1/3/2019)

“Dear Diary, Trades are scary when Daddy’s not around to tell you that it will all be fine. When I got traded to Phoenix verybody was sending me text messages and it was too much so I went into the bathroom and cried even though there was a part of me that was happy because…

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Gerald Green 18 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (12/31/2018)

OFFICIAL GREENHOUSE STATUS UPDATE: (reminder: “Greenhouse” is my nickname for the sweet-shooting, mega-dunking tandem of Gerald Green and Danuel House) The Green part of the Greenhouse scored eighteen points on six-of-eleven three-pointers. He didn’t have any dunks, but his three-pointers were definitely of the “sick” variety. No stand-still catch-and-shoots here. The House part of the…

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