Terrence Jones 30 Points/4 Blocks Full Highlights (3/17/2014)

So, the Rockets have found their power forward of the future. No, not Donatas Motiejunas. Seriously? Look at the title of the video. Come on man. All they need to reach contender status is a good point guard. I’m not totally sold on Patrick Beverley. And obviously Jeremy Lin is Jeremy Lin. But the combo…

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Patrick Beverley 19 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (3/4/2014)

Remember when Patrick Beverley maliciously and flagrantly injured Russell Westbrook, nearly ending Westbrook’s career? How dare somebody play with defensive intensity all 48 minutes! This isn’t just fun and games; there are superstars’ lives on the line here. Note to Patrick: save the defensive effort only for games that are: 1) within ten points, and…

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Terrence Jones 22 Points/7 Dunks Full Highlights (3/1/2014)

In this game, Terrence Jones’ first four made baskets were all dunks. I admit that I started getting my hopes up after the third one, thinking that maybe he dunked every one of his ten made field goals. Such an occurrence would have made me whole and completed my life. Ten made baskets, all dunks,…

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Omri Casspi 16 Points Full Highlights (3/1/2014)

Omri “The Omriscient One” Casspi did not have the greatest month of February ever. In a month where 5 players averaged 30 or above, Casspi averaged around 4. (I say around because my new keyboard has no calculator button and I can’t be arsed to dick around in the start menu to find the actual…

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Jordan Hamilton Rockets Debut 12 Points Full Highlights (2/25/2014)

I can’t blame Rockets fans for wanting to get excited about their new acquisition, but the fact of the matter is that Jordan Hamilton is probably a below-average role player at this point in his career. Here’s a list of things he won’t be giving you: -10 points per game -Savvy playmaking ability -Veteran leadership…

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Jeremy Lin Triple Double 15 Pts/11 Rebs/10 Asts Full Highlights (2/1/2014)

Watch how Jeremy Lin grabs his 10th rebound (the second to last clip). Now that’s dedication to an arbitrary statistical goal! He’s a man on a mission. He knows full well how close he is to the storied trip-dub, and he wants it. Bad. Then look at his reaction after he gets the final assist…

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Terrence Jones 21 Points Full Highlights (1/28/2014)

I just got on board the Terrence Jones hype train, and damn, this train car is swanky! Leather recliners, personal forty-inch TV’s, this place has it all. It even has blazing-fast gigabit wi-fi so this video only took fifteen seconds to upload. An extremely attractive and large-bosomed attendant just give me a choice of six…

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Chandler Parsons Career High 34 Points/10 Threes Full Highlights (1/24/2014)

Robert Horry’s gonna be pretty sad to find out that Parsons broke his Rockets record of 9 threes in a game. Until he looks at his hands bedecked with championship rings. Rings ease the pain of a lot of stuff, I’d guess. Oh yeah, the record. 10 threes. In a row. Without missing. And it’s…

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Omri Casspi 20 Points Full Highlights (1/22/2014)

Omri Casspi is from Israel. That means there are, in theory, tons of possible avenues for funny descriptions. ZOG conspiracy theories, yarmulke mishaps, pork. These concepts are all ripe for hilarity. But no. I can’t stereotype Jews for fear of being crucified (whoops). Never mind that I stereotype black people ALL THE TIME. And white…

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Omri Casspi 15 Points Full Highlights (1/20/2014)

One of these days Omri Casspi is gonna go off for like 30 points. Even 20 would be cool. Just park him on the three point line and tell him to chuck like crazy. Harden gets to do it. Why not Casspi? And why start Donatas when you can start Casspi, who is better and…

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