Terrence Jones 22 Points/7 Dunks Full Highlights (3/1/2014)

In this game, Terrence Jones’ first four made baskets were all dunks. I admit that I started getting my hopes up after the third one, thinking that maybe he dunked every one of his ten made field goals. Such an occurrence would have made me whole and completed my life. Ten made baskets, all dunks,…

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Omri Casspi 16 Points Full Highlights (3/1/2014)

Omri “The Omriscient One” Casspi did not have the greatest month of February ever. In a month where 5 players averaged 30 or above, Casspi averaged around 4. (I say around because my new keyboard has no calculator button and I can’t be arsed to dick around in the start menu to find the actual…

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Jordan Hamilton Rockets Debut 12 Points Full Highlights (2/25/2014)

I can’t blame Rockets fans for wanting to get excited about their new acquisition, but the fact of the matter is that Jordan Hamilton is probably a below-average role player at this point in his career. Here’s a list of things he won’t be giving you: -10 points per game -Savvy playmaking ability -Veteran leadership…

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Jeremy Lin Triple Double 15 Pts/11 Rebs/10 Asts Full Highlights (2/1/2014)

Watch how Jeremy Lin grabs his 10th rebound (the second to last clip). Now that’s dedication to an arbitrary statistical goal! He’s a man on a mission. He knows full well how close he is to the storied trip-dub, and he wants it. Bad. Then look at his reaction after he gets the final assist…

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Terrence Jones 21 Points Full Highlights (1/28/2014)

I just got on board the Terrence Jones hype train, and damn, this train car is swanky! Leather recliners, personal forty-inch TV’s, this place has it all. It even has blazing-fast gigabit wi-fi so this video only took fifteen seconds to upload. An extremely attractive and large-bosomed attendant just give me a choice of six…

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Chandler Parsons Career High 34 Points/10 Threes Full Highlights (1/24/2014)

Robert Horry’s gonna be pretty sad to find out that Parsons broke his Rockets record of 9 threes in a game. Until he looks at his hands bedecked with championship rings. Rings ease the pain of a lot of stuff, I’d guess. Oh yeah, the record. 10 threes. In a row. Without missing. And it’s…

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Omri Casspi 20 Points Full Highlights (1/22/2014)

Omri Casspi is from Israel. That means there are, in theory, tons of possible avenues for funny descriptions. ZOG conspiracy theories, yarmulke mishaps, pork. These concepts are all ripe for hilarity. But no. I can’t stereotype Jews for fear of being crucified (whoops). Never mind that I stereotype black people ALL THE TIME. And white…

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Omri Casspi 15 Points Full Highlights (1/20/2014)

One of these days Omri Casspi is gonna go off for like 30 points. Even 20 would be cool. Just park him on the three point line and tell him to chuck like crazy. Harden gets to do it. Why not Casspi? And why start Donatas when you can start Casspi, who is better and…

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Donatas Motiejunas 15 Points/3 Threes Full Highlights (1/16/2014)

Donatas “Donuts” Motiejunas is looking a little tubby lately. I know that the lack of playing time can be depressing, but he needs to lay off the snacks and get his heinie into the weight room for some conditioning. There’s only room for one fat seven-footer in the league, and that’s Miroslav Raduljica. Also, I…

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Terrence Jones Career High 25 Points/6 Blocks Full Highlights (1/15/2014)

Terrence Jones just set an NBA record with three botched and-ones in three attempts during the third quarter against the Pelicans. It wouldn’t surprise me if the Rockets commentators brought something like that up during the telecast of the next game. There is a curious fascination with stats in the sports world, and local NBA…

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