Jakob Poeltl 19 Points Full Highlights (8/7/2020)

I thought for sure, for absolute sure, that 19 points would be Jakob Poeltl’s career high. Because I know how much I know about the NBA (a lot), and I knew that I would remember something as momentous as Poeltl scoring 20 or more. I was getting all ready to rag on the commentators for…

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Jakob Poeltl 17 Points Full Highlights (2/1/2020)

Jakob Poeltl, over the last few games, has seemingly realized a basketball truism that is, truthfully, innately present in over 99 percent of the population (and not just the basketball-playing portion of the population, I literally mean the entire population of earth): if you put the ball in the hole, your team gets two points….

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Jakob Poeltl 16 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (1/27/2020)

Jakob Poeltl would have had just the second twenty-burger of his career if he could have just made a few more gosh darn free throws. Not only that, but the Spurs likely would have won this game if he had just made a few more gosh darn free throws. Going 2/8 from the welfare stripe…

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Jakob Poeltl 12 Points/4 Assists Full Highlights (4/23/2019)

Just because Jakob Poeltl is a starter, doesn’t mean he should be barred from playing in garbage time. The Nuggets’ lead ballooned to about 30 points near the start of the fourth quarter, rendering that last period meaningless. Normally, that’s when players like Poeltl shine; they can do stuff that maybe they wouldn’t do otherwise,…

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Jakob Poeltl 12 Points/5 Blocks Full Highlights (3/15/2019)

Jakob “Pink Mamba” Poeltl looks like he was enjoying the Spurs’ recent off days a little too much. I get that in Austria people don’t have to worry as much about sunburn because they only have one season, which is winter (don’t believe the lies peddled by “The Sound of Music”), and most people don’t…

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Jakob Poeltl 20 Points Full Highlights (12/4/2018)

Jakob Poeltl was staring at his locker, looking for the second sock of a pair (the first sock being already on his foot), when a hazy apparition appeared in front of him. As Jakob watched with astonishment, it slowly coalesced and gained form until it took the unmistakable shape of a human. The spirit-cloud was…

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Jakob Poeltl 14 Points Full Highlights (11/28/2018)

San Antonio is, in the eyes of the public, the best place for Euro role-players to go if they want to jumpstart their career. So, if any of them even noticed that Jakob Poeltl went southward (way southward), they probably thought “Oh, Pop will turn him into a double-double machine, not like I have any…

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Jakob Poeltl 16 Points Full Highlights (4/11/2018)

How many times has Jakob “Purtle” Poeltl created his own shot this year. Like, received the ball at a standstill, and through his own actions, without the help of teammates, used deft maneuvering to put the ball in basketball. Definitely less than a dozen, I’d say. Maybe closer to “zero”. I certainly can’t remember any…

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Jakob Poeltl 17 Points Full Highlights (3/21/2018)

I considered writing a big multi-paragraph essay about why Austria is so awesome (Jakob Poeltl is one of the reasons) for this description, but I feel like Austrians aren’t as fervently nationalistic as, say, people from former Yugoslavian states. Blatantly pandering to them would not earn me as many subscribers. I will say, however, that…

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Jakob Poeltl 13 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (2/28/2018)

I don’t know why I was expecting a Jokic-esque passing performance from Jakob “Blake Griffin’s Hillbilly Cousin” Poeltl when I looked at the boxscore tonight. Actually, I do know why: because he’s a Euro. He’s not really a Euro, though. Euros in the NBA come from former Yugoslav countries, or Lithuania, or from German/Spain/France/Italy. Austria…

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