John Henson All 64 Dunks Full Highlights (2013-14 Season Dunkilation)

“Hello, welcome to Chipotle, what will you be having today?” The burrito constructor didn’t even look up at who she was addressing as she prepared her burrito-constructing station. “Let’s see, I think I’ll…” At the sound of the familiar voice the attendant looked up and smiled. “Oh, it’s you! Two steak burritos, extra guac and…

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John Henson 15 Points Full Highlights (4/11/2014)

If you’re the Bucks, and Ersan Ilyasova is out for the rest of the season with a made-up injury, who do you start at the power forward position? A.) Jeff Adrien B.) Khris Middleton C.) John “Gumby” Henson Most of us would answer C and laugh off the other two answers. John Henson is young,…

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John Henson 16 Points Full Highlights (2/10/2014)

At what point do we start becoming concerned that John Henson seemingly can’t do anything with his right hand? Why does he even bother doing that shoulder shake thing if everyone knows that he’s just going to go lefty every time? It’s like he worked so hard on developing his off-hand that his dominant hand…

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John Henson 20 Points/15 Rebounds Full Highlights (1/18/2014)

Congratulations John Henson! You win the “Best Player on the Worst Team” award! Every awful team needs to have a player who isn’t total garbage, and you are that player! You follow in the hallowed footsteps of such luminaries as Kevin Love, Brook Lopez, and Derrick Brown! Yes, times are sad for the Milwaukee Bucks….

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John Henson 18 Points/2 Blocks Full Highlights (12/20/2013)

The evil Dr. Exosphere rubbed his hands together eagerly. “Yes, yes…my creation is almost ready to be unveiled!” Inside the giant test tube, a humanlike form floated in a pseudo-placental fluid. “Just one more dose of the growth hormone, and he will be ready to take the court! Basketball domination will soon be in my…

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John Henson 20 Points Full Highlights (12/18/2013)

John Henson was pretty clutch against the Knicks. Game-tying putback with .3 seconds left? Sweet pea soup. But he was also pretty unclutch. Missing a potential game winning jumper? Eh, I guess the Bucks are tanking, so it’s cool. Of course, he should never, ever, be taking jumpers at this stage in his career. He…

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John Henson 18 Points/13 Rebounds/2 Blocks Full Highlights (12/14/2013)

John Henson slept fitfully, tossing and turning in his bed. Within the deepest confines of his brain, a dream played out its haunting plotline… ——————– From the fog emerged a dark, tall figure. The grey murk made it impossible to distinguish the man until he walked right up to John. “Wilt! Why are you here?”…

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John Henson 19 Points/17 Rebounds/4 Assists Full Highlights (12/6/2013)

John Henson must have some kind of salivary overabundance. Either that or his upper lip sweats a lot. Because he is constantly wiping his mouth with his jersey. Somebody get this kid some napkins, he’s dripping all over the place! Or he just has OCD. That would explain him having to walk around his car…

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John Henson 18 Points Full Highlights (11/12/2013)

“Long John Henson” is a seriously thin dude. He’s probably leading the league in thinness per 48 right now, as well as body fat percentage and “amount of hook shots taken from too far away because he’s too weak to back people down in the post”. Does he even lift? My NBA All-scrawny team would…

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John Henson 14 Points Full Highlights (11/1/2013)

Sometimes it seems like the art of the post move is dying. Bigs in today’s NBA are either jump-shooters or morons who can only dunk it. Few teams set them in isolations with their back to the basket. There’s a reason for this: it’s inefficient to shoot contested hook shots and it’s hard to draw…

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