Jonas Valanciunas 26 Points/5 Dunks/4 Blocks Full Highlights (2/3/2020)

Jonas Valanciunas definitely has a future as an actor. That’s not to say that he doesn’t also have a future as a basketball player, because he obviously does, but I’m talking about after his playing days are over. He’s got the combination of imposing presence, barbaric character, and understated handsomeness that make him a perfect…

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Jonas Valanciunas 23 Points Full Highlights (1/28/2020)

Jonas Valanciunas will never get the full amount of minutes he deserves until the fans demonstrate their displeasure en masse to the coach of whatever team he happens to be on (at this moment, Taylor Jenkins of the Memphis Grizzlies is his coach). Attempting to do this via the internet is commendable, but ultimately fruitless,…

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Jonas Valanciunas 31 Points Full Highlights (1/12/2020)

Reminder to the Grizzlies commentators: exclamations of “jėga”, which means “strength” in Lithuanian, should be reserved for when Jonas Valanciunas does something on the court that displays his strength. If the word is misused, it will lose its meaning and viewers will think that it just means “good” or “beast” or something. I have gone…

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Jonas Valanciunas 21 Points Full Highlights (1/10/2020)

Long-term, or even short-term, subscribers to my channel will know that I am obsessed with creating nicknames for players. If a player doesn’t have a nickname, or I deem their current nickname to be inadequate for whatever reason, I don’t rest until a new nickname is created. “Lithuanian Lightning” is a decent nickname for Valanciunas,…

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Jonas Valanciunas 30 Points Full Highlights (1/5/2020)

Jonas Valanciunas already had 20 points less than halfway through the second quarter tonight but, jaded as I am by years of various coaches blatantly mismanaging him, I did not have even a single vision of him scoring 40 enter my mind. Under normal circumstances, where a player has not been cruelly marginalized for their…

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Jonas Valanciunas 21 Points Full Highlights (12/26/2019)

21 points is all well and good for Jonas Valanciunas, that’s a nice point total for him these days. What I’m concerned about is the “4” I see for him in the rebounds column of the boxscore. Four? Rebounds? During the whole game? Okay, so not the whole game, because he only played 27 minutes,…

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Jonas Valanciunas 24 Points Full Highlights (12/18/2019)

Jonas Valanciunas is back on track! People will say he was struggling, and maybe the stats suggest he was struggling, as he had three games of 6, 8, and 6 points all in a row, but it wasn’t him struggling. Trust me on this. It was just a continuation of the trend of him being…

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Jonas Valanciunas 21 Points Full Highlights (12/16/2019)

I am sick and tired of this new narrative (being pushed by the simpletons at ESPN, no doubt) that Jonas Valanciunas is “struggling”. No. He’s not struggling. What is happening, and this has been happening his whole career so no one should be surprised, is that he is being held down by incompetent and racist…

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Jonas Valanciunas 32 Points Full Highlights (12/4/2019)

Jonas Valanciunas has been kind of dominating lately. He was apparently so sick (I know that feeling, gotta watch out with that seafood from the iffy-looking Chinese place) the last two games that he couldn’t play, and was still feeling a little woozy in this one. It didn’t matter. His recent statlines: 30 points, 16…

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Jonas Valanciunas 22 Points Full Highlights (11/29/2019)

Jonas Valanciunas was the reason the Grizzlies were within 2 points with 6 minutes left in the game. Everyone else was throwing up bricks, and he was helpfully grabbing those bricks and placing them gently in the bucket so that two points could be scored. After that point, though, he stopped scoring or even shooting,…

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