Jordan Clarkson 18 Points/4 Assists Full Highlights (1/29/2015)

Thanks to the National Security Administration, I have in my possession detailed logs from every time Jordan Clarkson accessed google.com. After removing extraneous timestamp, connection, and user agent information, I have a 200-page file of all of Clarkson’s search queries in the past month. Here is a chronological sample presented without edit: -“How to look…

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Jordan Clarkson 18 Points Full Highlights (1/27/2015)

NBA commentators and fans alike often refer to rookie players as “kids”. This is kind of weird to me, when often these “kids” are gigantic hulking behemoths with pronounced musculature and crappy facial hair. Have you ever seen a kid who resembles Nikola Mirotic even a little bit? Don’t answer that. In some cases, though,…

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Wayne Ellington Career High 28 Points Full Highlights (1/27/2015)

It’s been a long time since we’ve seen Mr. Ellington make it Wayne like this. I thought that this would be the year he would finally get consistent minutes, now that he’s on a horrible team that also happens to be totally bereft of shooting. I guess not? I’ve got a couple of theories as…

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Nick Young 24 Points Full Highlights (1/19/2015)

Somehow I, a noted ignorer of celebrity gossip, have become aware that Nick Young AKA Swaggy P was dating Iggy Azalea. The first thing I did is look up pictures of her on Google Image Search. Usually when I do that for celebrities, it’s because I want to find nude scenes, but not this time….

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Jordan Hill 20 Points Full Highlights (1/15/2015)

In a way, Jordan Hill is the real hero in the saga of Kobe’s 17-assist game. If Hill didn’t have such a wet-bordering-on-soaked jumper that Kevin Love simply doesn’t respect at all, we’d be talking about how Kobe had nine assists. Instead, Kobe Bean assisted Hill on eight shots, most of them jumpshots. That brings…

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Jordan Clarkson 14 Points Full Highlights (1/7/2015)

Jordan Clarkson seems like the perfect kind of rookie for the Lakers. He’s not especially young (though he looks like he’s about 14 or 15) for a first-year player, so he’s a little more polished as a scorer. The Lakers don’t need some total neophyte project in the second round. They need somebody who can…

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Jordan Hill 23 Points Full Highlights (1/5/2015)

Jordan Hill is second-last only to Brook Lopez in one critical stat: inches jumped per jumpshot. Brook Lopez averages 0.1 inches, with Jordan Hill not far behind at 0.6 inches. There are other players (mostly big men) who are also averaging below one inch. It’s probably a strategic decision on the part of Hill. He…

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Nick Young 21 Points Full Highlights (12/28/2014)

I’m just going to copy tweets from Nick Young’s twitter since I don’t have any ideas for a description. Take it away Nick: Nick Young @NickSwagyPYoung · Dec 22 What’s shoes should I wear Christmas day Nick Young @NickSwagyPYoung · Dec 4 Yall got iPhone’s but that’s point I’m tryna make Nick Young @NickSwagyPYoung ·…

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Wesley Johnson 19 Points Full Highlights (12/25/2014)

You can sometimes tell that these national commentators don’t really know what’s going on. That’s fine, I guess. It’s hard to keep track of all the players, even I mess up sometimes. So I can forgive whoever it was for saying that Wes Johnson is a young player who is expected to get better. He…

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Ronnie Price 17 Points/8 Assists Full Highlights (12/23/2014)

The Lakers just beat the league-leading Warriors by ten. They would have won by even more, but they gave up a 16-0 run in the fourth quarter. The narrative after this game will be predictable: with Kobe out, the Lakers can actually function as a team and get high-quality looks. I say screw that narrative….

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