Xavier Henry 17 Points/1 Kobe Return Full Highlights (12/8/2013)

KOBE’S BACK KOBE’S BACK KOBE’S BACK Guys! Kobe! KOBE BEAN BRYANT! Who cares about other non-Kobe players on the Lakers anyway? They are irrelevant. KOBE. I don’t even know who Xavier Henry is. And why should I? You can’t even see him on the court, covered as he is in the incredible glare of Kobe’s…

Read More

Robert Sacre 11 Points Full Highlights (12/6/2013)

It must be nice being the 60th and last pick in the draft. There are no expectations for you at all. Even if you totally suck people will still remark on how great it was that you actually played. Robert Sacre has exceeded any and all expectations that people had of him when he was…

Read More

Robert Sacre Career High 12 Points/4 Assists Full Highlights (12/1/2013)

Chris Kaman must really suck. Like, really really. When you’ve lost your spot in the rotation for Robert Sacre, it’s time to reconsider your life, and your priorities on the basketball court (that’s code for “play some damn defense you oaf”). Sacre made the most of his newly acquired playing time by getting career highs…

Read More

Wes Johnson 27 Points Full Highlights (11/29/2013)

I am disappointed in the internet. More than usual, I mean. If the internet is good for one thing it’s making me despair in new and innovative ways. But the reason for my disapproval today is this: I realized I have not seen a single joke based on the fact that the Wesley’s surname, “Johnson”,…

Read More

Jordan Hill Career High 24 Points/17 Rebounds Full Highlights (11/17/2013)

You always hear reports of so-and-so player taking thousands of jumpers a day during the off season, with promises that their mid-range or three-point game will be much improved. Jordan Hill is one of those players. And you know what? I can’t really tell any difference at all. He can make them, sure. He’s always…

Read More

Xavier Henry 15 Points/1 Sick Facial Full Highlights (11/12/2013)

“We are gathered here today in remembrance of the life of Jeff Withey, a life which was tragically cut short in an act of senseless and random violence on the night of November the 12th…” Suzanne Withey let out a harsh sob. Her husband, Dave, patted her consolingly on the shoulder, but he, too, was…

Read More

Steve Blake 19 Points/8 Assists Full Highlights (11/10/13)

In the NBA the new and the shiny are valued way above the old and known. Let’s say that someone like Victor Oladipo got this line of 19 and 8. Imagine the social media posts from fevered Magic fans. “Just give this guy ROY already, #SMH.”, “Rest of the league, are you even trying?”, “Oladipo…

Read More

Wes Johnson 16 Points Full Highlights (11/7/2013)

Thanks to the NSA policy of recording everything we do on the internet, I was able to get a copy of Wes Johnson’s most recent Google searches. The NSA really needs to work on their network security; a simple phishing attack aimed at upper-management got me credentials for their entire system. Have they ever heard…

Read More

Jodie Meeks 18 Points/1 Game-Winning Assist Full Highlights (11/7/2013)

Allegedly, Kobe Bryant used to destroy Jodie Meeks with regularity in practice. But now the tables are turned. If Meeks and Bryant were to go one-on-one right at this very instant, Meeks would certainly dominate. All Jodie would have to do is pull out all of Kobe’s intravenous drips, unplug his breathing machine, and prop…

Read More

Nick Young 21 Points Full Highlights (11/5/2013)

With Kobe Bryant out indefinitely, the Lakers needed someone to chuck up bad shots and have lots of “swag”. So they got Nick Young. He’s basically Kobe minus the passing or work ethic or anything that makes Kobe good. But he does have the crazy contested jumpers part down pat. And the afro. Can’t forget…

Read More