Jon Leuer 20 Points/1 Normal Dunk/1 Cradle Dunk Full Highlights (12/7/2014)

“Oh, she’s just adorable!” Jon enthused, holding out his arms to accept his four-month old niece, Matilda. “Be careful with her,” warned Jon’s brother. “Sometimes she pukes at weird times.” “Don’t worry. We’re best of friends, aren’t we, Matilda?” he asked the smiling baby, who giggled in response. “Yep. Bestest best friends forever, you and…

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Tayshaun Prince 20 Points/4 Threes Full Highlights (12/5/2014)

Tayshaun Prince scrolled through his contact list until he came upon the entry he wanted: “The Unholy One Himself, 666-6666”. Hitting the green “dial” button, he listened to the phone ring, wondering how he would phrase his request. Before he could ponder too long, the call was answered. “Keep this short, Khraakklor,” said Satan, referring…

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Jarnell Stokes 12 Points Full Highlights (12/3/2014)

I have no idea what to say about Jarnell Stokes. I don’t know a thing about him. Luckily for me, I made, before the season, notecards for every player in the league that contain description-worthy nuggets of info and trivia. It’s great! Really takes the legwork out of writing these suckers, especially when inspiration runs…

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Ryan Hollins 15 Points? Full Highlights (11/28/2014)

Time for a thought exercise! Close your eyes and imagine JaVale McGee of the Denver Nuggets. If you are having troubles visualizing this, watch some highlights/lowlights on YouTube to aid in the conjuring. Also if you could stop thinking about tits for even a minute that would be great. Okay! We’ve got JaVale firmly in…

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Marc Gasol Career High 32 Points Full Highlights (11/21/2014)

Marc Gasol fiddled around on his computer, but he found himself unable to stay on any one webpage for more than a minute. His mind was far and away in another place. In the kitchen, he could hear that unmistakable whirring, the siren call of the microwave, and he knew that he would not be…

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Jon Leuer 19 Points Full Highlights (11/21/2014)

New nomination for the Worst Nickname Ever award: “Johnny Badger”. I don’t even have to go into the myriad ways that this nickname sucks. Every conceivable facet, every angle from which this nickname could be approached, it all looks the same: like a big pile of badger feces. Despite his nickname suckage, which is not…

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Courtney Lee 16 Points/1 Game-Winner Full Highlights (11/13/2014)

As the immortal Kendrick Perkins said: “These motherfurglers are still the Sacramento Kings” You have to feel bad for their fans. This must have been a heartbreaking loss. Then you remember that crazy buzzer-beater Tyreke Evans had a couple years ago, and you don’t feel so bad for them anymore. Then you think about how…

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Kosta Koufos 14 Points Full Highlights (11/11/2014)

Kosta Koufos is one of those players you think about and say “Damn, he used to pretty good what happened to him is he dead?” You say that. I don’t. I know exactly what happened to him, and he’s absolutely still alive. Might as well be after being acquired by the Grizzlies, whose lack of…

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Beno Udrih 16 Points Full Highlights (11/11/2014)

I love doing highlights of foreign players. There is one inalienable truth about NBA highlights: citizens of a country who has produced an NBA player will watch any highlight of that player even if they don’t really like basketball. This holds true for any foreign national who has ever been in the NBA. Except Beno…

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Courtney Lee 22 Points Full Highlights (11/5/2014)

So, the Grizzlies are 5-0 to start the season. Raise your hand if you accurately predicted that this is how their year would start. I see you behind your monitor with you hand raised. Yes, you! You’d better put that hand back down before I burst out through your monitor to kick your ass. I…

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