Otto Porter 23 Points Full Highlights (3/8/2020)

The Bulls were so close to finally being able to put on the court their ideal lineup. You know, the lineup chock-full of young stars-in-the-making that was going to take them to the playoffs? The Dunn (or Sato or whoever)/LaVine/Porter/Markkanen/Carter Jr + White off the bench lineup? They just got Markkanen and Porter and Carter…

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Otto Porter 18 Points Full Highlights (3/2/2020)

A lot of things have happened since November 6th, which was the last time that Otto Porter played in a game: -Porter got a bit fat. Now, instead of looking like Lionel Ritchie, he looks like Lionel Ritchie after a particularly successful trip to the buffet. -The Bulls went from being playoff hopefuls to begging…

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Otto Porter 22 Points Full Highlights (11/1/2019)

Otto Porter 2019-20 salary: $27,250,576 Otto Porter 2019-20 production: 9 ppg, 32% shooting That’s before tonight, of course, but even this relatively successful performance won’t change the fact that Porter has been sucking AND blowing so far to start the season. He’s not alone; I feel like there are tons of players that, for whatever…

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Otto Porter 23 Points/8 Assists Full Highlights (3/8/2019)

I will admit that I had not seen the music video for Lionel Richie’s “All Night Long” until just now. DTB doesn’t stay up on current pop trends at all, and his only knowledge of yesteryear’s pop comes from Rickrolling and TV commercials. After watching the video (which was just a bunch of people doing…

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Otto Porter 31 Points/7 Threes Full Highlights (3/1/2019)

Stacey King singing a small part of the chorus of Lionel Richie’s 1983 hit “All Night Long” whenever Otto Porter (who doesn’t even look that much like Richie but whatever) does something particularly exciting is one of the best things going on in the NBA right now. But he has to be singing it. If…

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Otto Porter 20 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (2/27/2019)

A very aesthetically pleasing (that’s all you kids care about these days, right? aesthetics?) statline for Otto Porter: 20/6/3/3/3/3/3/3/3. Those last two 3s are turnovers and fouls. The two 3s before that are threes made and free-throws made. Maybe a purist wouldn’t consider those part of a statline, but purists can suck it. They’re the…

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Otto Porter Career High 37 Points Full Highlights (2/13/2019)

Washington Wizards fans, all eight of them, must be wondering where this Otto Porter impostor came from, because he certainly didn’t do anything like this while he played for them this season. And my answer to them would be, this is no impostor, this is the Otto Porter that’s been there all along, except now…

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Otto Porter 18 Points Bulls Debut Full Highlights (2/8/2019)

Bulls without Otto Porter: 1 19-point or more win in 54 attempts. Bulls with Otto Porter: 1 19-point or more win in 1 attempt. It doesn’t take a genius to see the trend here: Otto Porter is the franchise-changer that Chicago desperately needed. Although, in truth, you can change the “Otto Porter” to “Jabari Parker”…

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Otto Porter 27 Points Full Highlights (1/13/2019)

When I have downtime during the day, I find that my thoughts wander. And instead of the topics that most young men’s thoughts wander to (Fortnite, ladies, ravioli with pesto sauce, babes, chicken wings, etc.) my thoughts wander to the following question: what if the Wizards had not matched the offer sheet that Otto Porter…

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Otto Porter 29 Points Full Highlights (11/24/2018)

OFFICIAL PLAYERS WHOSE FIRST NAMES ARE PALINDROMES POWER RANKINGS 1. J.J. Redick 2. Otto Porter 3. J.J. Barea PAG REWOP 442. Kendavious Caldwell-Pope Whoops, sorry, didn’t realize that there really weren’t that many players whose names could be spelled the same way backward as forward. I thought there were gonna be, like, 20 names on…

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