Nikola Vucevic 25 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (3/3/2017)

Nikola Vucevic retrieved a sheet of paper from the box of fine stationery above his desk. Words this important deserved to be written on the finest paper and with the finest ink. Setting the paper down next to an intricately-crafted ballpoint pen, he only needed to ponder for a few seconds before the words began…

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Beno Udrih 13 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (10/28/2016)

Beno Udrih sat down at his writing desk, retrieved his finest ballpoint pen and a sturdy piece of stationery, and began to write. “An Ode to Slovenia: Slovenia is the country of my birth Now I will describe its lack of worth While there are truly good people there To ever find them is quite…

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Andre Drummond All 117 Dunks Full Highlights (2015-16 Season Dunkilation)

“Hey Andre, what’s up with all these iCarly DVD’s?” Andre Drummond jogged over to where Aron Baynes was snooping through his personal movie collection. “They’re my kid sister’s,” Andre explained, snatching the copy of ‘iCarly: the Complete Fourth Season’ out of his teammate’s hand and replacing it on the shelf “You don’t have a kid…

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Patrick Beverley 17 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (3/25/2016)

Patrick Beverley sat down at his writing desk, his hands tingling with the words that yearned to be written. Pulling towards him an unused piece of stationery, he began to write: “‘An Ode to Russell Westbrook’ How I truly hate him so My eternal point guard foe Smug about his triple-doubles I hope his knees…

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Otto Porter 15 Points Full Highlights (4/21/2015)

Making the Raptors into his bitches Abandoning the goggles allows him to ball Yes, he is actually decent now Befitting a player picked third overall Everyone was down on him, including me Not Wizards fans, though, who always believed Otto Porter is blossoming before our eyes The tree of stardom grown from the potential seed…

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Enes Kanter 24 Points Full Highlights (4/3/2015)

Enes Kanter couldn’t help it. He was crying again. These tears, like those preceding them, were shed in memory of Jesseca, the cheerleader that Enes had left behind in Utah. The droplets, each one filled with more emotion than one man could possibly hold inside, splashed onto the piece of fancy stationery which lay in…

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Kris Humphries 21 Points Full Highlights (1/25/2015)

Andre Miller had stayed late signing autographs. When he got to the locker room, there was nobody there. He sat down in his locker to start taking off his shoes. Since there was nobody to talk to, he instead looked around idly at his surroundings. The locker next to his, which was Kris’, was fully…

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Robbie Hummel 15 Points Full Highlights (1/17/2015)

Crystal white like the Minnesota snows Why he’s in the league, nobody knows Hey, let’s run him at point guard If Zach can do it, it’s not that hard Making defenses pay with his shooting His hype train rolls along a-tooting Signed to the team because of his skin pigment His ability to jump is…

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Mike Dunleavy 22 Points Full Highlights (12/14/2014)

Mike Dunleavy lay in bed, content after another victory on the basketball court. He looked over to the vague lump that was the sleeping form of his wife, Caroline, who had surrounded herself most of the sheets in her usual manner. Dunleavy didn’t mind. A lady as fine as Caroline should have all the sheets…

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Ray McCallum 12 Points Full Highlights (11/25/2014)

Since I’ve got a bunch of family members ’round my place for Thanksgiving (it’s an American holiday for all you heathens out there), I decided to utilize the poetic talents of my seven-year-old nephew Dylan in this description. He was tasked with writing a poem about Ray McCallum, and here it is, with spelling mistakes…

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