C.J. McCollum 28 Points Full Highlights (11/28/2015)

Looks like those Stephen Curry comparisons for C.J. McCollum coming out of college weren’t so wrong after all. Because, let’s be honest, they were looking pretty wrong for C.J.’s first two years in the league. The Juan Dixon (barf) comparisons were looking a little closer. Turns out that all Gollum needed was some minutes, perhaps…

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C.J. McCollum 18 Points Full Highlights (11/24/2015)

C.J. McCollum has scored at least 15 points in every single one of his team’s games this season. Can anyone else besides Stephen Curry say that? (Editor’s note: add Westbrook, Harden, George, and Kawhi, come on DTB, what are you frickin’ doing? Use your brain you dip.) I was thinking the Most Improved Player was…

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C.J. McCollum 19 Points Full Highlights (11/22/2015)

C.J. McCollum was interrupted from his Game of Thrones marathon by his phone ringing. He took a quick glance at the screen, planning to ignore the call, but when he saw that it was Blazers GM Neil Olshey, he reluctantly paused the show and answered the phone. “Hi Neil, what’s up?” Neil’s voice sounded breathless….

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Mason Plumlee 17 Points Full Highlights (11/22/2015)

Is it too late to fix Mason Plumlee’s free throws? I’m getting Shaq flashbacks (Flashshaqs?) here. Plumlee acts like he’s going to shoot it normally with two hands, but at the last second, his guide hand goes away and he just one-hands it. His borked form worked for him this game, but I’m doubtful that…

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Ed Davis 17 Points/15 Rebounds Full Highlights (11/20/2015)

Shilling for McDonalds’ food products is a plague which is overtaking NBA commentary crews nationwide. First it was the Jazz commentators talking about how much they love McFlurries even though a neutral third party would doubtlessly find the consuption of a McFlurry akin to eating a bowl of wallpaper paste. Now it’s the Blazers commentators…

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Allen Crabbe Career High 17 Points Full Highlights (11/15/2015)

Good to see you again! I hope you have your book report ready to turn in! 10 pages front-and-back, single-spaced on how the “Harry Potter” series is different when you replace all instances of the character Vincent Crabbe with Allen Crabbe. What do you mean, you only got through the first few chapters of the…

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Allen Crabbe Career High 15 Points Full Highlights (11/8/2015)

Today’s assignment: Reread the entirety of the “Harry Potter” series, replacing in your mind any instances of the character Vincent Crabbe with NBA player Allen Crabbe. That part in book two where Crabbe and Goyle get roofied with cupcakes and other treats in order for their DNA to be forcefully extracted from them? Allen Crabbe…

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Meyers Leonard 17 Points Full Highlights (11/8/2015)

It’s just perfect that as soon as the Blazers’ front office finally shows some confidence in Meyers Leonard, he starts playing poorly. He’s picked it up a little bit since his awful start, but 6-of-26 from three for Mr. 50-40-90 is still pretty garbage. Like, Greivis Vasquez level garbage. That’s not good. He also has…

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Meyers Leonard 14 Points Full Highlights (11/5/2015)

“Hey Meyers!” Meyers Leonard turned around to find Blazers GM Neil Olshey addressing him. He immediately put on a smile and reminded himself to be on his best behavior. It was the man who paid the checks, after all. “Hi Neil. How are things?” Neil seemed distracted. He ignored Meyers’ friendly greeting and instead said,…

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Maurice Harkless 15 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (11/4/2015)

Neil Olshey, hearing his phone ring, took a moment to steady himself before answering. “Neil Olshey speaking.” “Hi Neil. It’s Rob Hennigan from the Magic. Hey, have you been crying? Your voice is all wavery.” “Allergies,” Neil responded, gazing longingly at a framed picture of LaMarcus Aldridge which sat in the middle of his desk….

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