Maurice Harkless 15 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (11/4/2015)

Neil Olshey, hearing his phone ring, took a moment to steady himself before answering. “Neil Olshey speaking.” “Hi Neil. It’s Rob Hennigan from the Magic. Hey, have you been crying? Your voice is all wavery.” “Allergies,” Neil responded, gazing longingly at a framed picture of LaMarcus Aldridge which sat in the middle of his desk….

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Al-Farouq Aminu 17 Points Full Highlights (11/2/2015)

“And this will be your locker,” Neil Olshey said. “It was actually the one LaMarcus used last season, but we don’t talk about that.” “Sure,” said Al-Farouq. It looked a lot like any other locker in any other locker room. In fact, it was exactly the same. He looked back over at Neil to see…

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C.J. McCollum Career High 37 Points Full Highlights (10/28/2015)

As a slow start for CJ McCollum to the season turned into a slow middle of the season turned into a slow end of the season, I was ready to break out the famed “bust” label and affix it directly to CJ’s forehead. The 10th overall pick should have shown more, said I, even if…

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LaMarcus Aldridge All 280 Midrange Jumpers Full Highlights (2014-2015 Season Jumperilation Part III)

LaMarcus waited patiently for his date to say something. She was the desperate one, right? “Um, well, I like going to art galleries,” Jennifer offered, sipping her coffee. “Art is okay,” LaMarcus said with little interest in his voice. “I like sports better.” “Oh, that’s right, your profile said you play for the Portland Trailblazers….

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LaMarcus Aldridge All 280 Midrange Jumpers Full Highlights (2014-2015 Season Jumperilation Part II)

“Uh, Wes, we got a problem.” Wes looked over from his game of FIFA. “You got a dude? I told you, just swipe left.” “No, not that. It says I ran out of swipes and that I need to pay money for more.” “WHAT?” Wes exclaimed, running over to investigate the phone’s screen. “You’re kidding…

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LaMarcus Aldridge All 280 Midrange Jumpers Full Highlights (2014-2015 Season Jumperilation Part I)

“You know what, Wes?” Wes Matthews, who was focused intently on the game of Madden in front of him, didn’t respond right away. When he ended up throwing an incomplete pass, he paused the game angrily. “What?” LaMarcus Aldridge set down his controller and laid back contemplatively on the couch. “All this time I’ve been…

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Meyers Leonard 13 Points Full Highlights (4/27/2015)

Was anyone else getting really excited for Meyers Leonard after the second quarter of last night’s game against Memphis? I was. The playoffs are where heroes are born and legends are written by hooded scribes. I had visions of him being the savior that saved basketball in Portland. Down 3-0, backs against the wall, he…

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C.J. McCollum 26 Points Full Highlights (4/25/2015)

At the end of the regular season I had a special message for Terry Stotts RE: C.J. Mccollum: “If C.J. doesn’t get thirty minutes per game in the playoffs, you’re fired.” I also had another warning for the coach of the Blazers: “[Your] ass is grass if C.J. doesn’t average eighteen PPG in the playoffs….

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Joel Freeland Career High 16 Points Full Highlights (4/13/2015)

In honor of a new career high composed almost entirely of pure midrange jumpers, I have compiled an exhaustive list of the food that Joel Freeland probably (definitely) eats on a daily basis: -Cheesy Wotsits -Spotted Dick -Crumpets -Pork faggots in gravy -Beef Wellington -Haggis -Trifle -Munchie Boxes Question for discussion: why are British people…

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Meyers Leonard Career High 24 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (4/13/2015)

Over two years ago, in late March, as the Trailblazers’ disappointing season wound down, Meyers Leonard scored 22 points in an NBA game. “Finally!” came the cry from Portland fans. “It took him a while, but he’s going to be a beast next year, I can feel it!”. They weren’t too sad about being totally…

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