Ben Simmons 18 Points/10 Assists Full Highlights (11/15/2017)

OFFICIAL PLAYERS WHO SHOULD HAVE DEFERRED REBOUNDS TO BEN SIMMONS SO HE COULD GET A TRIPLE-DOUBLE POWER RANKINGS: 1. J.J. Redick. What are you doing getting eight rebounds man? You’re old and you have T-Rex arms. 2. Dario Saric. Soft euros aren’t allowed to get rebounds. 3. Robert Covington. Just because you got paid doesn’t…

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Dennis Smith Jr. 18 Points Full Highlights (11/4/2017)

OFFICIAL NBA PLAYERS WHOSE NAMES SOUND LIKE A BANKER’S POWER RANKINGS 1. Harrison Barnes 2. Dennis Smith Jr. 3. Alec Peters 4. David West 5. Ryan Anderson 6. Guerschon Yabusele 7. Jake Layman POWER GAP 419. Montrezl Harrell 420. Kentavious Caldwell-Pope 421. Giannis Antetokounmpo

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Tony Snell 17 Points Full Highlights (10/21/2017)

OFFICIAL ATTRIBUTES OF TONY SNELL POWER RANKINGS 1. He’s not Michael Carter-Williams 2. He shoots three-pointers really well 3. If he’s overpaid, it’s only by a little bit 4. He allegedly plays defense (I personally don’t care if he plays defense or not) 1. He’s not Michael Carter-Williams 5. He’s low-usage so he fits in…

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Manu Ginobili 21 Points Full Highlights (5/20/2017)

OFFICIAL REASONS WHY MANU GINOBILI SHOULDN’T RETIRE POWER RANKINGS 1. As evidenced by this highlight video, he can still contribute on the court 2. It’s not like his bald spot is getting any worse, right? 3. TIM DUNCAN YOU CAN STILL COME BACK AND REUNITE THE BIG THREE PLEASE 4. Coaching sounds cool in theory…

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Shelvin Mack 18 Points Full Highlights (5/8/2017)

From getting DNP’s earlier in the season to starting a playoff game where the aim was to avoid being swept, Shelvin “The Macksturbator” Mack has come a long way, but in the end, the sweep happened while he was at the helm. The Macksturbator played about as well as could be expected in this game;…

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Derrick Jones 15 Points Full Highlights (4/9/2017)

OFFICIAL BEST THINGS ABOUT THE SUNS BEING AWFUL POWER RANKINGS 1. Derrick Jones dunking all over the heckin’ place 2. Devin Booker 70 3. Tyler Ulis/Alan Williams pick-and-roll chemistry 4. I hate Brandon Knight 5. Jarell Eddie had a good game 6. More angry dunks by Marquese Chriss 7. Elijah Millsap is back! —— 55….

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Tyler Ulis 20 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (4/5/2017)

OFFICIAL TYLERS OF THE NBA POWER RANKINGS 1. Tyler Honeycutt (this dude has so much upside I swear to god) 2. Tyler Johnson 3. Tyler Hansbrough (what even happened to him) 4. Tyler Ulis 5. Tyler Zeller 6. Tyler Ennis —-BONUS TYLER—- 7. Jeremy Tyler

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Donatas Motiejunas 13 Points Full Highlights (3/26/2017)

OFFICIAL THINGS THAT DESTROYED DONATAS MOTIEJUNAS’ CAREER POWER RANKINGS: 1. Contract impasse with Rockets that resulted in D-Mo becoming a free agent after turning down a $30 million offer 2. Pistons fabricating a failed physical because they got cold feet when they traded for D-Mo 3. Pelicans trading for DeMarcus Cousins 4. Too many donuts…

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Tyler Johnson 24 Points Full Highlights (3/26/2017)

OFFICIAL JOHNSONS OF THE NBA POWER RANKINGS 1. James Johnson 2. Tyler Johnson 3. Joe Johnson 4. Amir Johnson 5. Stanley Johnson 6. Wesley Johnson 7. Brice Johnson As evidenced by the above power rankings, which are official, the Miami Heat have the biggest and best Johnsons of any NBA team, while the Clippers have…

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