Michael Porter Jr. 15 Points Full Highlights (8/25/2020)

OFFICIAL REASONS TO MAKE THIS VIDEO POWER RANKINGS 1. Everybody loves Michael Porter Jr. and they will watch anything that has the words “Michael Porter Jr.” in the title of the video. I know this is true because I took a video of me making fart noises with my armpits, titled “Michael Porter Jr. 15…

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Malik Monk All 27 Dunks Full Highlights (2019-20 Season Dunkilation)

On March 2nd, roughly a week before the NBA went into a COVID-induced hibernation, Malik Monk was suspended “indefinitely” for an undisclosed substance abuse violation. There weren’t a whole lot of details about Monk’s suspension available at the time, and then everybody forgot their need for details when a different kind of suspension, the league-wide…

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Lonnie Walker All 116 Field Goals Full Highlights (2019-20 Season Bucketilation)

Lonnie Walker IV is, as far as I can tell, the player on the Spurs who is most beloved by Spurs fans. While every other player on the team ranges from completely reviled (Bryn Forbes) to begrudgingly tolerated (LaMarcus Aldridge) to fondly accepted (Dejounte Murray), none of them enjoy the universal fan support that Walker…

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Khris Middleton All 164 Midrange Jumpers Full Highlights (2019-20 Season Jumperilation Part II)

This is continuation of my OFFICIAL REASONS TO LOVE KHRIS MIDDLETON POWER RANKINGS. We resume the list at reason #8. 8. 50/40/90 CLUB Okay, so Middleton wasn’t quite in the 50/40/90 club (50% FG, 40% 3P, 90% FT), but he was literally as close to being in the club as it’s possible to get without…

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Khris Middleton All 164 Midrange Jumpers Full Highlights (2019-20 Season Jumperilation Part I)

Speaking not just as a Bucks fan but as a fan of the art of scoring, I love Khris Middleton. Is he my favorite player currently in the NBA? I have a lot of favorites so I can’t really say, but he’s definitely near the top of the list. There are just so many reasons…

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Michael Porter Jr. All 141 Field Goals Full Highlights (2019-20 Season Bucketilation)

OFFICIAL REASONS THAT MICHAEL PORTER JR. DIDN’T AVERAGE 15 PPG THIS SEASON POWER RANKINGS 1. Paul Millsap Paul Millsap ruined the Nuggets with the combination of his huge contract, his athletic decline, his statistical impotence, his skillset reduncancy with other members of the Nuggets roster, and with his overall ruinistic tendencies. And not only did…

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Pat Connaughton All 27 Dunks Full Highlights (2019-20 Season Dunkilation)

While it remains to be seen whether or not the Bucks will be given a chance to compete for the NBA championship that they looked poised to contend for (before COVID-19 plummeted the world into chaos), nobody can dispute that they were the best team in the NBA during the regular season. While the “best…

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Dillon Brooks 21 Points Full Highlights (3/10/2020)

OFFICIAL REASONS NOT TO MAKE THIS VIDEO POWER RANKINGS 1. 21 points is not all that many for Dillon Brooks, who has spent the better part of two months transforming himself into Bradley Beal 0.8 2. Nobody cares about Dillon Brooks, not even ‘Zlies fans, so nobody will watch it 3. This video is getting…

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Serge Ibaka 27 Points Full Highlights (3/9/2020)

Since I wore myself out writing some other descriptions tonight, I present to you my latest low-effort drivel disguised as semi-serious journalism: OFFICIAL FAMILY-FRIENDLY EUPHEMISMS FOR SERGE IBAKA’S “THINGY” POWER RANKINGS: 1. “Thingy” 2. “Pants Python” 3. “Sweatpants Snake” 4. “The Congolese Crusher” 5. “(Not-So-)Little Serge” 6. “The Pipe” 7. “Meat” [POWER GAP] 9001. “Cockle-Doodle-Doo”…

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Marcus Smart 29 Points Full Highlights (3/6/2020)

OFFICIAL REASONS WHY MARCUS SMART’S 29 POINTS DO NOT COUNT POWER RANKINGS: 1. Smart was 9-of-23 from the field and 6-of-15 from three (he was shooting too much is what I’m trying to say) 2. The Celtics lost, and, as everybody know, stats accumulated in a losing effort do not count towards anything other than…

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