DeMarre Carroll 18 Points/4 Threes Full Highlights (12/5/2014)

OFFICIAL “DE”S OF THE NBA POWER RANKINGS 1. DeMarcus Cousins 2. DeMar DeRozan 3. DeAndre Jordan 4. DeMarre Carroll —-POWER GAP—- 5. DeJuan Blair 6. Dewayne Dedmon The above power rankings make it seem like DeMarre is a worse player than he actually is. He is a perfect glue guy for the Hawks system, being…

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Steve Novak 15 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (3/9/2014)

OFFICIAL WHITEST THREE-POINT SPECIALISTS POWER RANKINGS: 1. Steve Novak 2. Luke Babbitt 3. Matt Bonner 4. Kyle Korver 5. Ryan Anderson 6. Jimmer Fredette 500. Anthony Morrow (R.I.P. Matt Carroll) (R.I.P. Jason Kapono) (R.I.P. Troy Murphy)

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Marcus Thornton 25 Points Full Highlights (3/1/2014)

OFFICIAL FAT NBA PLAYERS POWER RANKINGS: (ranked by how good they are at basketball, not how fat they are) 1. Carmelo Anthony 2. Zach Randolph 3. Marcus Thornton 4. Jared Sullinger 5. O.J. Mayo 6. Glen Davis 7. Jared Dudley 8. Raymond Felton 9. Miroslav Raduljica 10. Hedo Turkoglu 11. Anthony Bennet Honorable Mention goes…

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Ronny Turiaf 14 Points/4 Dunks/3 Blocks Full Highlights (1/27/2014)

OFFICIAL SMELLIEST PLAYERS IN THE NBA ACCORDING TO AMAR’E POWER RANKINGS: 1: Ronny Turiaf 2: Boris Diaw I don’t really think that’s fair though. Every NBA player smells bad after a game. As an inside reporter who spends his fair share of time hidden in NBA locker rooms, I’d have to say that the stench…

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Caron Butler 30 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (1/22/2014)

OFFICIAL MOST “DONE” NBA PLAYERS POWER RANKINGS: 1. Kevin Garnett. This guy is so done it’s embarrassing 2. Steve Nash. The mind is willing, but the flesh is weak 3. Gerald Wallace. You know a guy is done when all he does is complain about the effort of his teammates 4. Caron Butler. Can’t do…

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Derrick Favors 21 Points/11 Rebounds Full Highlights (1/2/2014)

Last time I made Derrick Favors highlights, I ranked all current NBA players with the first name “Derrick”. Wouldn’t it be fun if I ranked all NBA players with the last name “Favors”? Yes. It would be fun. If you disagree, just leave. OFFICIAL NBA PLAYERS WITH LAST NAME “FAVORS” POWER RANKINGS 1. Derrick Favors…

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Omri Casspi 13 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (12/21/2013)

OFFICIAL ISRAELI NBA PLAYERS POWER RANKINGS: 1. Omri Casspi 2. Gal Mekel 3. Amar’e Stoudemire Looking back at all of my power rankings, I think this might be the first one that could be considered “accurate”. There is no joke here. I’m not trying to be funny. Omri Casspi is objectively better than Gel Mekel….

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Derrick Favors 21 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (11/11/2013)

OFFICIAL PLAYERS NAMED DERRICK CURRENTLY IN THE NBA POWER RANKINGS: (Brought to you by Taco Bell’s new Cheetos Explosion Grande: a burrito filled to the breaking point with Cheeto bits, fiery habanero Velveeta sauce, and a brown lumpy substance that might be animal in origin! Try one today!) 1. Derrick Favors This guy is just…

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Nene 20 Points Full Highlights (11/8/2013)

Official NBA players named after birds power rankings: 1. Nene 2. Rory Sparrow 3. Robin Lopez 4. Brian Cardinal 5. Guy Sparrow 6. Robin Jones 7. Mark Crow Not a very long list, though I’m sure I missed some. And no, Larry Bird doesn’t count. Neither does Otis Birdsong. Don’t be stupid.

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