Buddy Hield 25 Points Full Highlights (2/13/2019)

It’s Valentine’s day. That fact doesn’t matter so much to me, since my steadfast refusal to become involved romantically with women means that I have nobody to celebrate this so-called “holiday” with. However, on this most romantic and cuddly of nights, I start to wonder about my 12-foot-tall 3D-printed sentient naked purple plastic statue of…

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Marvin Bagley Career High 32 Points Full Highlights (2/10/2019)

Marvin “Marvelous Bags” Bagley did not, in my opinion, have a very good exhibition season. Kings fans agreed with me; he looked lost and ineffective. If they weren’t openly wondering why their team drafted him over a certain other highly regarded Euro, the thought was there in the back of ther mind. The doubts that…

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Yogi Ferrell 19 Points Full Highlights (2/4/2019)

Yogi Ferrell was this close to receiving my heretofore unannounced $100,000 prize (paid out of my own personal funds) for being a backup point guard to have a perfect shooting game while scoring at least twenty points. He pulled off the perfect shooting, going 7-of-7 from the field (his 1-of-2 performance from the line is…

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Marvin Bagley 24 Points Full Highlights (2/4/2019)

There’s so much hype regarding other parts of the Sacramento Kings, and so much hype around other players drafted around him, that I feel like there’s not enough hype remaining for Marvin “Marvelous Bags” Bagley. For a while, that was fine, because he wasn’t playing particularly well, and not in a way that deserved much…

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Buddy Hield 34 Points/7 Threes Full Highlights (2/2/2019)

A week ago, my whole computational situation changed drastically for the better. Buddy, who is a 12-foot-tall 3D-printed purple plastic naked statue of Buddy Hield who has somehow had life breathed into his plasticky body, fashioned a new graphics card for my computer out of spare circuitry I had lying around. This thing chews up…

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Marvin Bagley 17 Points Full Highlights (1/30/2019)

Imagine my surprise when I pulled up this game to find that the legendary Kings commentator Jerry Reynolds had come back for a game. Kings games just sound better with that old guy saying his old-guy catchphrases and describing slam dunks in the corniest way possible. Doug Christie brings a different flavor to the broadcasts…

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Harry Giles 20 Points Full Highlights (1/30/2019)

Harry Giles sat at the head of the long table, around which were seated the rest of the Kings players. The wait staff at the Olive Garden had gone througgh considerable lengths to ensure that the entire team could sit at one table, but this had resulted in one very boisterous and noisy group of…

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De’Aaron Fox 22 Points Full Highlights (1/25/2019)

Before we get started on talking about De’Aaron Fox, I just want to say, I’m super DUPER excited to see Bruno Caboclo back in the league and chucking shots that he can’t really make at an incredible rate. I was hoping for a sweet revenge game on the team that discarded him last year (that…

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Nemanja Bjelica 17 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (1/25/2019)

Nemanja Bjelica allegedly suffered from “back tightness”, which prevented him from playing in the Kings’ game against the Raptors three days ago. But how sure are we that “back tightness” was the real reason he was held out? “Back tightness” sounds like something you would make up so that people don’t get suspicious when they…

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Buddy Hield 26 Points Full Highlights (1/25/2019)

There are both upsides and downsides to living with a sentient twelve-foot-tall 3D-printed naked purple plastic figurine of Buddy Hield that you ordered online for $3,000 but must have entered the wrong dimensions for on the order form. The upside is that you have a friend who understands you and is always loyal and will,…

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