Patrick Patterson 15 Points/4 Assists Full Highlights (3/6/2013)

Note to Kings announcers: stop calling Patrick Patterson “P-pat”. Why would you call him that, when his nickname is obviously “Pat-Pat”? You HAVE to take advantage of the fact that the first syllable of both of his names is the same. Morons. Anyway, I think Rockets fans were kind of disappointed that they got rid…

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John Salmons 21 Points/5 Assists/1 Dunk Full Highlights (2/27/2013)

Official Nastiest Beards In The NBA Power Rankings: 1. John Salmons 2. Drew Gooden 3. Chris Kaman … 500. James Harden I mean seriously. Come on John, that thing looks horrible. It’s a scraggly mass of pubic hair jutting out of your chin. The reason nobody defends your three pointers is that nobody wants to…

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Marcus Thornton 36 Points/8 Threes Full Highlights (2/26/2013)

In these politically correct times, I don’t understand how Marcus Thornton gets to have the nickname “The Bayou Bomber”. That’s like calling OJ Mayo “The Appalachian Assassinator” or Chris Bosh “The Texan Terrorist”. But I guess it’s better than “MT23”, since your initials + jersey number does not count as a nickname. Are you listening,…

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Thomas Robinson 12 Points Full Highlights (1/14/2013)

I feel bad for Kings fans. Their team really sucks, is littered with busts and me-first chuckers, and now they have to watch it get taken away from them. Actually I don’t. Now they can be fans of a good team like the Warriors. They’re lucky; I wish someone would take the Bucks away. Thomas…

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Isaiah Thomas Career High 34 Points (Six Threes) Full Highlights (1/12/2012)

Isaiah Thomas probably can’t even dunk, but does he let that get him down? No. Well, yes. His Youtube search history is littered with stuff like “Air Alert Full Free Version” and “Type short guy dunks in youtube search bar”. But don’t worry yourself little Isaiah, you can still put up 34 points on the…

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John Salmons 23 Points Full Highlights (12/30/2012)

John Salmons once averaged almost 20 points per game over the course of half a season with the Milwaukee Bucks. When the Bucks decided they wanted to lock him up for a few years with a big contract, he immediately regressed to career norms. After games he would cash his paycheck in twenties and take…

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Jimmer Fredette Career High 22 Points Full Highlights (12/17/2012)

A lot of mean people have some not nice things to say about Jimmer Fredette. He’s a bust. He’s unathletic. He’s unfit to even be a third-string PG. He can’t create his own shot. He’s Mormon. Don’t these people know that Jimmer Fredette has feelings just like everybody else? Well Jimmer, if you’re reading this,…

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Francisco Garcia 25 Points/7 Threes Full Highlights (12/10/2012)

The Kings suck again. They are a textbook example of when tanking goes wrong. They’ve had several years in a row of high picks, but they are somehow even worse than before. But it’s not Francisco “San” Garcia’s fault. So let’s forget about how the Kings got totally owned by the Mavericks, and instead focus…

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Marcus Thornton 23 Points Full Highlights (11/21/2012)

The Suckramento Kings beat the Los Angeles Fakers big last night, mostly due to the substandard play of such overrated players as Dwight Coward, Kobe Cryant, and Pau Gasoft. Marcus Thornton AKA “The Bayou Bomber” didn’t actually bomb anyone (that would be a foul), but he did make some tough shots and ended the night…

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DeMarcus Cousins 29 Points/3 Assists Full Highlights (11/18/2012)

We’ve all heard bad things about DeMarcus Cousins. He’s a headcase. He’s a cancer. He’s a locker-room distraction. He can’t play in a team system. He can’t shoot. Well I’ve got some things to say about him too. He’s tall. He can jump. He can run. He has full use of his arms. See? Those…

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