Serge Ibaka 21 Points Full Highlights (12/13/2017)

This is probably the last video I’ll be able to upload. Net Neutrality has been repealed, and I just got a letter from my ISP that says I have to pay 50 dollars for each vid I want to put on YouTube. I know, right? Ridiculous. Obviously, I’m not going to be able to pay…

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Jonas Valanciunas 23 Points Full Highlights (12/11/2017)

I don’t get it. Certain advanced stats paint Jonas Valanciunas to be an absolute beast. He averages 18/13 per 36 minutes, meaning he could give you an easy 15/10 on great percentages if he was played the minutes that a starting center usually receives. His win-shares are consistently in the “sick” range. But the big…

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Serge Ibaka 20 Points Full Highlights (12/10/2017)

Bruno Caboclo tentatively approached his veteran teammate in the locker room. “Hey Serge. I need advice from you.” Serge smiled warmly at his young, shy teammate. “Of course. It is my duty to guide you through the challenges in your life.” “I’m in the NBA four years now and I still can’t get playing time,”…

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Serge Ibaka 21 Points Full Highlights (12/8/2017)

Serge “Ibaka Gaijin” Ibaka was getting called out a little bit by Jack Armstrong on the Raptors broadcast for not always bringing 100% effort, echoing the sentiments of some Raptors fans I have secretively observed on the internet in their native habitats. Maybe he’s getting comfy with his brand new contract where he gets paid…

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Fred VanVleet 13 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (12/5/2017)

Last night, Fred “Mini Miles Plumlee” VanVleet of the Raptors faced off against fellow midgets Tyler Ulis and Mike James of the Suns, and the result was actually not as exciting as you would expect. The combined fifteen points and four assists of the two Phoenix midgets was roughly as impressive as the statistical output…

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OG Anunoby 16 Points Full Highlights (12/5/2017)

I was just looking at OG Anunoby’s basketball-reference page, and you know how at the bottom of every player’s page there’s a section for transactions? Like, when they got traded and for whom? I shouldn’t have looked at that. Frickin’ Greivis Vasquez, man. Why the heck did the Bucks trade for him? We traded TWO…

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Jakob Poeltl 18 Points Full Highlights (12/1/2017)

Jakob “Der Gro├če Wiener” Poeltl can only make layups. That is his entire offensive game. He cannot do anything else. Even when it looks like he can totally dunk it, he opts instead for a layup while barely jumping. Energy conservation? Perhaps, but to me it looks like he’s a being a pillow-soft Euro softie…

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Jakob Poeltl 14 Points Full Highlights (11/25/2017)

Raptors fans who actually watched this game should have told me that these seven buckets by Jakob Poeltl were about the lamest seven buckets any NBA player has had this season. Why did no one tell me? Do they not have internet in Canada? I know they do, because I know that I get tons…

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Fred VanVleet 16 Points Full Highlights (11/24/2017)

Fred “Vleet of Foot” VanVleet: Toronto Raptors backup point guard. That means we can expect more of this in the upcoming games, at least until Delon Wright comes back. There’s no way Lorenzo Brown is going to be taking minutes away from anybody, so playing time for the Vleeter is pretty much guaranteed. He’d already…

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OG Anunoby 16 Points Full Highlights (11/14/2017)

I don’t see what’s wrong with the name Ogugua. It looks fine to me. Way cooler than most names in the league. So why would Mr. Anunoby abandon it in favor of “Oh Gee” and then spell it like you’re supposed to say “AWGG”? Is he embarrassed of his heritage or something? Too African? That…

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