Lou Williams 26 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (12/12/2014)

Lou Williams sat in his apartment, brand-new saxophone in hand. “Lou Williams is a really jazzy name,” he thought to himself as he looked at the shiny bronze instrument. “I must live up to the jazziness of my name by learning how to play jazz saxophone, and then I will be Lou Williams, famous jazz…

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Patrick Patterson 19 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (12/8/2014)

Patrick “Double Patty Melt” Patterson is an underrated part of the Raptors current successes? Maybe. I don’t know. The Raptors are really good this year, I would even call them “legit”, and Patrick Patterson is always around to hit a three and then go back to the bench. If I were a contending team I’d…

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Jonas Valanciunas 18 Points/3 Dunks/4 Blocks Full Highlights (12/8/2014)

The title of the video says “3 Dunks”, but let’s be honest with ourselves here. Not all dunks are created equal. A big man catching it under the basket and hopping two inches into the air to deposit the rock is not as exciting as Gerald Green catching it at the three point line, upfaking,…

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Amir Johnson 27 Points Full Highlights (12/5/2014)

How is this even allowed? I like Amir Johnson. He’s a good player, plays with good energy, whatever whatever blah blah blah. But there is no reason why he should be allowed to wear #15 with the Raptors. That’s Vince’s number, and it always will be. When I saw Amir in those retro Purple dinosaur…

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James Johnson 19 Points Full Highlights (12/2/2014)

I love it when commentators get salty. This time, the Kings crew is obviously a little miffed that James Johnson had a good game for the Raptors, given that his entire tenure with the Kings was notable only for being entirely ineffective. They marvel at his ability to make threes, as he only made two…

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Terrence Ross 20 Points Full Highlights (11/30/2014)

Ever since my label dropped me, I’ve been trying to get my rap career back on track. Mostly that involves me using hard drugs and accosting pedestrians for change, but I did manage to get back into my home studio to lay down some rhymes. When I say “home studio”, I actually just mean the…

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Amir Johnson 20 Points/2 Threes Full Highlights

Did anybody else get triggered by the Raptor’s throwback jerseys? The last time I saw purple and pinstripes in the same place, I was dreaming that I was being chased by a T-Rex/Vince Carter hybrid through a dense jungle made out of basketball hoops. Seeing Amir Johnson hit three-pointers while wearing it made me have…

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Greivis Vasquez 21 Points Full Highlights (11/26/2014)

Walking through the chilly park as a nighttime snow fell all around him, Greivis thought back to his upbringing in Venezuela. His grandmother had always said, if you could catch a single snowflake in your hand, you could make a wish on it. Snow was not a common occurrence in his home country, and he…

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Jonas Valanciunas Career High 27 Points Full Highlights (11/24/2014)

I’m trying to figure out if the Raptors are REALLY good, or just, you know, really good. Because they’ve looked like contenders so far this season, kind of. I say kind of because their roster doesn’t scream “These guys are going to win a chip and fill a hot tub full of champagne!” to me….

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Bruno Caboclo 8 Points/1 Dunk Raptors Debut Full Highlights (11/21/2014)

I’m super envious right now. The last time people were chanting my name was in the school cafeteria, when they wanted me to drink a huge jug full of tomato soup and chocolate milk combined. I drank the stuff, I thought they were my friends. Then they laughed. I can still hear their mockery, even…

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