Jonas Valanciunas Career High 26 Points Full Highlights (4/9/2014)

Jonas Valanciunas was doing what he did almost every off-night: Sitting in front of his TV encased in a cocoon of blanket-and-cushion construction, with his coffee table littered with snacks and beverages of the alcoholic type. Tonight was the big game, and he was watching with intentness, though not much happiness. “Are you serious? Are…

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James Johnson 20 Points Full Highlights (4/6/2014)

James Johnson has become my all-time favorite player. There is no NBA player, past or present, who can sniff the jock of my new lord and savior James Johnson. This may seem odd to you, but I can assure you that I am of rational mind and that my reasoning is perfectly sound. Such reasoning…

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Nando De Colo 10 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (4/4/2014)

With Nando De Colo now on the Raptors, has his presence increased interest in the team among Canadian Francophones? Or do French-speaking Canadians not even care about French people? I would look up this information but I’m too lazy. I need real-life Canadians to tell me. I know some French people are going to be…

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Terrence Ross 24 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (4/4/2014)

I’m all out of ideas for descriptions, so here’s some Raptor fan reactions on the drafting of Terrence Ross. Props to RealGM’s Raptors board for always being a bunch of lunatics who post crazy stuff. ———Before the pick————- “OMG!!!!!! I’LL F*CKING LOSE IT IF PASS ON DRUMMOND AND HE’S ON THE BOARD.” “Hah its so…

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Jonas Valanciunas 22 Points Full Highlights (4/4/2014)

Jonas sat silently in his darkened living room, watching the flickering television with rapt attention. In front of him was spread a feast suitable for the viewing of a season finale, but since the final episode of “How I Met Your Mother” had started, none of the snacks had been touched. Mango smoothies and pretzel…

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Greivis Vasquez 21 Points Full Highlights (3/21/2014)

Let us have a moment of silence for John Salmons, may god help his soul. Yes, the Raptors’ loss to the Thunder last night was not a fun occurrence for our Canadian friends. Several Raptors had good individual performances, but does it really matter when Kevin Durant takes you behind the Air Canada Centre and…

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Terrence Ross 22 Points/2 Dunks Full Highlights (3/16/2014)

Terrence Ross is a pretty good NBA player. His 51 point game was an anomaly, but still, pretty good. His three point stroke is smooth. He sends the commentators into a frenzy with his ferocious jams. But I sometimes wonder if he could find more success in another sport. Not baseball or football or anything…

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Jonas Valanciunas 23 Points Full Highlights (3/14/2014)

There’s something different about these Jonas Valanciunas highlights. Something he doesn’t normally do. Can you figure out? It’s not very obvious until it gets pointed out. But here it is: instead of pumpfaking a million times when he got the ball in the midrange and only after that taking the shot or driving, Jonas for…

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Amir Johnson 20 Points Full Highlights (3/12/2014)

Amir Johnson, cozy in his Snuggie, was again taking part in his favorite pastime: gauging the internet’s opinion of him. After watching an expertly-edited video entitled “Amir Johnson 22 Points Full Highlights (1/29/2014)”, he scrolled down to view the comments. He smiled as a fan of his had earnestly made a comment reading, “If his…

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Steve Novak 15 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (3/9/2014)

OFFICIAL WHITEST THREE-POINT SPECIALISTS POWER RANKINGS: 1. Steve Novak 2. Luke Babbitt 3. Matt Bonner 4. Kyle Korver 5. Ryan Anderson 6. Jimmer Fredette 500. Anthony Morrow (R.I.P. Matt Carroll) (R.I.P. Jason Kapono) (R.I.P. Troy Murphy)

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