Tomas Satoransky 16 Points/10 Assists Full Highlights (3/21/2019)

Tomas “Czech Your Privilege” Satoransky just keeps having these good games. He’s having good games so regularly that I am forced to come to the conclusion that he is actually a good player, and not just an average player punching above his weight due to a sudden abundance of playing time. This is his ninth…

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Thomas Bryant 22 Points Full Highlights (3/21/2019)

I don’t even know if anybody remembers Dwight Howard anymore. The only way you would ever think about him is if the Wizards’ big man situation was drawing some kind of negative attention due to its badness and you thought to yourself, “The Wizards could really use Dwight Howard right now”. But the big man…

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Troy Brown 13 Points Full Highlights (3/21/2019)

Just like Pokemon fanatics have to catch all the Pokemen that they can, so too does DTB have to catch every NBA scrub he can. And guess what? I just threw my Pokeball at Troy Brown Jr. and it bopped him square on the forehead. He squealed “TROY BROWN JUNIOOOOOOR” as he turned into vapor…

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Jabari Parker 28 Points Full Highlights (3/20/2019)

If you thought that the first game Jabari Parker played as a Wizard against the Bulls was chock-full of REVENGE, you haven’t seen the depths of TRUE REVENGE that Jabari is capable of. Twenty points against the Bulls back in early February was cool, and at the time it seemed like a suitable amount of…

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Jabari Parker 19 Points Full Highlights (3/18/2019)

Jabari Parker had five turnovers in this game to go along with one assist (which may very well have been the sickest assist ever – I didn’t bother to look at it), leaving his assist/turnover ratio below 1.0 for the year. I think that’s how the math works out, anyway. I don’t understand ratios. Simply…

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Jabari Parker 20 Points Full Highlights (3/16/2019)

Okay, a lot of people have spent a lot of time talking about how Jabari Parker was maybe a little too chunky, how he needed to slim up a little bit. And they were right. He looked like he enjoyed a few too many late nights with a couple cheesburgers and some cheesy bacon fries…

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Jabari Parker 19 Points Full Highlights (3/13/2019)

I’m not very good at doing free-agency speculation/analysis because I’m only vaguely aware of each teams’ salary cap situation. I’m also only vaguely aware of what a salary cap even is and how it relates to player salaries. Basically, the only thing I know for sure is that teams can’t spend infinite money unless they…

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Thomas Bryant 21 Points Full Highlights (3/13/2019)

Well, this is embarrassing. All this time that Thomas Bryant has been the starting center(basically until a few weeks ago) I was under the assumption that he was getting big minutes. But a closer look at his game log indicates that he usually doesn’t even get twenty minutes per contest. That actually makes sense given…

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Tomas Satoransky 17 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (3/11/2019)

Ever since John Wall got injured, I’ve been trying to figure out what the Wizards’ long-term plans are. Since plans for the team as a whole are completely opaque to me at this point (playoffs? tanking? neither? both?), I’m mostly just thinking about their plans at the point guard position since that’s easier for me…

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Bobby Portis 21 Points Full Highlights (3/9/2019)

Bobby “God Dang It Bobby” Portis has been a nice pickup for the ‘Zards. I don’t know what the point of a good pickup would be for that team right now, since they should be tanking for R.J. Barrett, but if their short-term and misguided goal is to make the playoffs (a goal which is…

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