Jameer Nelson 26 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (3/15/2013)

In my regular excursions through NBA arena dumpsters, I often come across documents which, given the classified information contained therein, I’m sure Stern doesn’t want me to see. In this particular case, while submerged to my neck in a dumpster outside the Amway Center in Orlando, I found a perfectly serviceable trapper-keeper. Thinking I would donate it to a local school supplies group, I opened it up to see what was inside. Let me tell you friends, the contents of that trapper-keeper thoroughly blew my mind.

My first clue should have been the “JN14 + D12” scrawled in purple gel pen upon every available outer surface of the trapper-keeper. Hearts of all sizes, penned in pink, were crammed in between these proclamations.

The trapper-keeper itself contained only loose-leaf, college-ruled paper. The first few pieces were blank, but at around page ten I begin to find cryptic scrawlings, many of which were crossed out. Some of the text which I could decipher (note: all i’s should be dotted with hearts):

“Hey Dwight, I just wanna tell you that I think you’re cute – we should chill sometime.”
“I luv u 5evr – that means I love u more than 4evr ;)”
“We got such great chemistry man – this inside-out game can’t be stopped.”
“Dwight, it hurts me when I see you talking to Ryan Anderson”
“Next year we’re getting that chip. I promise. Our team is so stacked.”
“These trade rumors r really bugging me. U would never leave me, right?”
“Hey cutie wassup? ;)”

At a certain point, the tone of the work becomes less positive and more destructive.

“I can’t believe you left. We made a promise. :((((”
“Dwight, screw you. We never had anything. Enjoy your new friend Kobe.”
“They should call you Dwight Coward.”
“We got a new big man, you might have heard of him. Nikola. His stats are better than yours.”
“I love how Nikola shoots free throws. You could never do that for me.”
“I bet you would love to play with a dynamic young player like Tobes. Guess what, I’m playing with him now, enjoy old man Jamison.”
“JN14 + NV9 4eva”

It is unclear whether these writings were seen by anybody but the author. But now they are uncovered for all eyes to gaze upon.

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