Spencer Hawes 24 Points Full Highlights (10/30/2013)

Exultant in victory, Spencer Hawes showered the shower of a champion. He didn’t really feel like talking to any media right now. They would just ask him about “sustained success” and “teamwork”. He could easily spend thirty minutes or an hour just standing here, relishing his team’s win over last years champions, not thinking about what this meant for the team.

Eyes closed, letting the water soothe his aching muscles, he was startled when he felt something brush his foot. He opened his eyes to see a brown hairy thing crawling around on the shower floor.

“Spider! Spider! Aauughh!” Spencer yelped, moving quickly to slap the intruder to death with his towel. “Die! Die! Gaaaah!”

He was stopped dead in his tracks when the ‘spider’ said his name. “Spencer! Stop, Spencer! Don’t you remember me?”

“Spiders can’t talk,” Spencer responded dumbly.

The brown lump of fur chuckled. “That’s true. But I am not a spider. I am your mullet.”

Spencer cleared his eyes, figuring perhaps that some stray shampoo had played tricks with his vision. “I didn’t think mullets could talk either.”

“I never thought so either, but here I am!” squeaked the mullet, who had no discernible mouth or other means with which to make noise.

Spencer picked up his discarded hairdo. “I cut you off months ago. Right in this very shower. And you stayed. For me?”

“Yes, Spencer. It took me a while to gather together all the component hairs that comprise me. By the time I finished that, it was the off-season. Then I figured, why not wait to congratulate you until after your first regular-season win? I’m so proud of you, Spencer.”

Spencer was unsure if the water in his eyes was from the shower or from his tears. “You and I did great things together. I’m sorry for shaving you off.”

“It’s no problem. Hairstyles go in and out of fashion. But could you do one thing for me?”

“Anything. Anything at all, Mr. Mullet.”

The mullet extended two appendages out from its main body. “Hug?”

Spencer clutched the hairy blob to his chest. “Hug.”


“Yo, where Spence at? He probably wanna come celebrate wit’ us,” Thaddeus Young mused, looking around the locker room. “He mus’ still be in the showers. I’ll go check.”

Thaddeus pulled open the shower curtain to reveal Spencer’s naked body curled up on the floor, holding a slimy clump of hair in his hands and murmuring to it. The shower curtain was immediately put back in place.

“I don’t even want to know.”

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