Ersan Ilyasova 19 Points/6 Assists/1 Statue of Liberty Dunk Full Highlights (11/22/2013)

“Come on Ersan, this is Miami, you can’t not come out and party with us,” Larry Sanders chided. “Me and the guys are going to go hit the beaches, try to pick up some fine chicas.”

Ersan waved him off. “Go without me. I need stays here and, uh…watch game tape.”

Larry grabbed him by the arm. “No no no. You’re not using that excuse again. We’ve got the whole day off, it’s a beautiful day outside, and the waterfront is swarming with chicks who are DTF. There might even be some cute Russian girls who catch your eye.”

“For last time Larry, I am Turkish, not Russian. But fine, I go with you this time. Let me change clothes, I meet you in lobby.”
“You’re not wearing that to the beach, are you?” a swim-trunks-clad Luke Ridnour exclaimed when Ersan joined the group. “What are you, a vampire?”

Himself clad in sweatpants, hoodie, and full-coverage sunglasses, Ersan laughed uneasily. “I get cold easily. Now come on, who’s ready to bangs some girls?”

This was an uncommon sentiment coming from Ersan’s mouth. The group of Bucks players, excited that perhaps Ersan was loosening up a bit, walked down to the shore with unbounded enthusiasm, laughing and chattering.
Caron Butler nudged Ersan with his elbow. “How about that one?”

Ersan was barely paying attention. His body temperature felt like it was in the 110-degree range. Sweat drenched every part of his body. Without even a glance at the stunning beauty swinging her hips a few feet in front of him, he dismissed, “Nah, too much ass.”

“You know Ersan, we gotta get you out of those clothes. No girl is going to give you a second look if you’re wrapped up like a mummy,” Caron said, eying Ersan over his sunglasses. “What you have to realize is that chicks dig dudes with money, and right now, nobody can tell you’re a 6-foot-10 millionaire basketball player. Miroslav is, honestly, probably the least attractive guy on the whole beach, but he is currently being swarmed by grade-A booty.”

“That’s fine. I have wife at home, she get mad if I fools around too much. Anyway, I don’t haves any swimsuit,” Ersan responded nervously, feeling light-headed from the heat. He should never have come out here. It was too risky, too little gain for too much suffering.

Caron laughed. “Yeah, your wife. Whatever bro. We at least gotta take off those old-person sunglasses of yours, get you into some more stylish shades.”

Ersan clutched his sunglasses to his face. “That not such a good idea. I very sensitive to direct rays of sun.”

Despite his teammate’s protestations, Caron swiftly yanked the eyewear off of Ersan’s face. The effects were immediate and devastating.

“Noooo!” Ersan yelled, scrambling frantically to cover his eyes. But the damage had been done. His cheeks were bubbling as if composed of volcanic lava. His eyes began to smoke and smolder, visibly melting into their sockets as his teammates turned to watch.

“Dude…” a stupefied Caron said, but that was all he could say, for Ersan’s sickening transformation was progressing rapidly. As his fingers dripped away like candle wax, Ersan’s screams diminished to hoarse whispers. Inside Ersan’s body, his esophagus and diaphragm, along with all of his other vital organs, were melting, robbing him of the ability to speak. His clothes began to lose definition as the limbs housed within turned into sloppy mixtures of bone, blood, and skin.

Soon, Ersan was nothing but a pool of sopping muscular tissue and liquefied organs. His teammates were all gathered around the puddle of sludge, in which floated the clothes he had been wearing.

Luke was the first one to speak. “Told you guys he was a vampire.”

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