Mike Dunleavy 23 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (12/2/2013)

Mike Dunleavy, in the least combative manner possible, walked up to teammate Taj Gibson after the game. He began awkwardly, “Listen, Taj, Booz just gave me the rundown on the whole situation. If I had known you were in the game, I definitely would never have porked Caroline.”

Giving him a dirty look, Taj responded, “Whatever dude. You know as well as everybody else that I had my heart set on her for months. I wrote her a whole goddamn book of poetry.” He looked down at the floor in sadness. “And then you just waltz in and bang her without hardly exchanging names, and you know man, it just cut me real deep.”

Mike brought out a folded-up piece of paper from his pocket. “Yeah. It was a real dick move on my part. So please take this poem as an apology, and I promise that next time I get a chance to score with a cheerleader, I’ll give you first dibs.”

Taj unfolded the paper and began to read aloud:

“Taj is certainly the coolest bro on the team
But I’m the one who made Caroline scream
When it comes to hustle, Taj is the boss
But I’m the one who gave her my special man-sauce

Taj has a goofy face, it’s true
Caroline’s face is coated in my goo
Taj could maybe get with a 6/10 at best
I’ve got Caroline’s fingernail marks on my chest

Perfection is when two bodies unite
Too bad for Taj, who was alone that night
The combination of vaseline and a hand
Is no match for that of a woman and a man.”

Looking up from the paper, Taj found Dunleavy smiling at him like an idiot.

“God damn it Dunleavy.”

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