A look into the mind of a rational official NBA scorekeeper:
“The ball was just changed hands. Okay, the receiving player is dribbling, he’s doing a lot of work to get this shot, and…it goes in! Two points for him, but no assist since the passer didn’t really do anything to set up the shot.”
Now for a disturbing look into the dementia-addled mind of the Miami Heat scorekeeper:
“Look! That guy in the stands has nachos! Where did he get those? Do I get some? Will he give me some if I wave happily? No, that didn’t work. Oh no, I forgot I was supposed to be paying attention to the game! Who’s that with the ball? Anyway, he passed it to LeBron, so I don’t need to worry about it. Oh my god, that woman has pretty legs. I just want to stroke those legs all day until…LeBron just scored! The refs are signalling it was a two pointer. Who passed to him? Number 21? Congratulations number 21, you just got an assist! I’m so good at my job.”