Terrence Jones 20 Points/2 Blocks Full Highlights (12/26/2013)

“What about you, Terrence? What did you get for Christmas?”

Hesitating, Terrence Jones didn’t know how to respond. All of his teammates were swapping notes over their new PS4’s. But he hadn’t gotten a PS4. He had gotten an Xbox One, even though he had confirmed in writing on his wish list that he wanted the superior PS4. Sometimes his parents were the worst parents ever.

“Yeah, I got a PS4 too. It’s pretty fun,” Terrence lied.

Chandler Parsons looked excited that there was another player with whom he could talk about the console. “Really? Awesome! What games did you get?”

Terrence didn’t actually know which games were available on the platform. ‘You know…some shooters and stuff. Just the same ones everybody else got,” he answered, averting his eyes.

Chandler didn’t seem convinced. “What’s your PSN username?”

“Oh, I don’t have one yet.”

This answer wasn’t good enough for Chandler. “Are you sure you got the PlayStation? Because it’s kind of sounding like maybe you got the Xbox instead.”

Terrence shook his head vehemently. “No! I definitely did get the PlayStation. I just haven’t played it yet.”

Waving over the rest of his teammates, Chandler yelled, “Hey, guys! Terrence over here got an Xbox! He’s an X-Boner!”

Secret revealed, Terrence spat, “Better than being a PlayStoner!” But this weak insult did not slow down Chandler’s taunting.

“X-Boner! X-Boner! I bet you like playing with Steve Ballmer’s sweaty nutsack! He just lowers it into your mouth and you’re like MM HMM SLURP SLURP HMM HMMMM MMM!” Chandler said, making obscene slurping noises with his tongue. “Oh, I’m T-Jones and I’m a nut-licking Microshill! Please give me your X-Boner, Stevey!” Terrence looked at the floor while this abuse was unleashed upon him.

Chandler continued, “The Xbone’s exclusives are a joke unless you like kiddy games like Zoo Tycoon. But, of course, that would appeal to losers like you! Your mom probably doesn’t even let you play the fun games like Call of Duty. Go back home, kid, you don’t belong here. Go on, get out of here!”

Terrence picked up his stuff and left the locker room, cursing his stupid mom who didn’t even know the difference between a child’s toy like the Xbone and a mature adult gaming system like the PS4. While driving back to his apartment, he passed a Best Buy. Acting on instinct, he walked into the store and grabbed ten of the console, paying for it with his credit card. When he got them home and unboxed them, he set them on his living room floor and began to plan.
“Who’s the X-Boner now?” Terrence said as he walked into the practice facility. His teammates looked at him in awe, barely recognizing him.

Terrence was clad in a full-body suit crafted from the disassembled components of PlayStation 4s. A television monitor was affixed to his chest. As he walked, the outfit clanked and clanged. He grinned at his teammates’ shocked expressions and retrieved a controller from the holster on his hip.

“You guys wanna play some Call of Duty?”

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