Anthony “Tollbooth” Tolliver is shooting 45% on threes this year. That’s pretty good. In fact, that’s really good. However, these accomplishments have failed to get him any closer to making the casual fan aware of his existence. He would have to change his name to “LeBron Tolliver” and dunk it about a million times as often as he currently does in order to get any kind of exposure.
Therefore I am extending an offer to Mr. Tolliver: for a mere $250,000, I will break down and reconstruct your brand. I will pay for the legal paperwork to push through a name-change, but plastic surgery costs will be your responsibility. At the end of my revolutionary marketing program, you will be as popular as some of my other NBA clients: Jerry Jefferson, Ben Davis, and LeQuan Palmer. Don’t know who those guys are? That’s because they’re now known as Kevin Durant, Pau Gasol, and James Harden, respectively. Some big names there, right? They’re big because of me. I made them. And when the time comes, I will destroy them.
Keep it mind, Mr. Tolliver. Immense riches are within your grasp, as long as you give some of your current riches to me in the form of 2,500 hundred-dollar bills delivered by hand to my house under cover of night.