E’Twaun Moore 17 Points Full Highlights (2/18/2014)

Slaving away at my desk, the pile of crumpled papers at my feet grew by the minute. A close observation of my person would reveal a collared shirt marred by stains in the armpits and a forehead glowing with exertion. Of course, I was alone, and there was no one to observe my torment.

“You Wanna E’Twaun?” I wrote in pen, before scribbling it out, ripping the page out of the notebook, and balling it up. Tapping the pen against my chin, I soon came up with another slogan: “The Apostrophe Catastrophe”. But that wasn’t good enough either. Snarling with rage, I flung the notebook at the wall and glared moodily at my desk.

Suddenly, it came to me. Fumbling for my phone, I frantically dialed E’Twaun’s number. Trying to calm my breathing before it the call was answered, I managed to present an unflustered facade when a disinterested voice answered, “Yo. E’Twaun speaking.”

“Hello Mr. Moore. I think I found the perfect slogan for your new personal brand.”

“Yo DTB, I thought I blocked your number,” E’Twaun responded angrily. “If you keep calling me, you gonna get a visit from the police pretty soon.”

Laughing at E’Twaun’s joking ways, I continued, “I got a new phone. New phone, new number. And I thought that, since you’re paying 250,000 dollars for my rebranding services, you might want to hear your new catchphrase.”

“I ain’t paying for anything, dude. Tell me when I said I wanted to pay for your birdbrained ‘brand development consulting’ or whatever you call it these days. Here’s a hint: I never said any such thing.”

Ignoring E’Twaun’s playful ribbing, I revealed the slogan that I had spent days toiling over. “Here it is: ‘Who wants some more Moore?’ Is that sweet or what? Because your last name is Moore?”

“I’m hanging up now, clown.”

“That will be an extra seventy-five thou-” I started, before the call unexpectedly ended. I quickly hit ‘redial’ to make sure that E’Twaun got my price quote, but he was even quicker: the call wouldn’t go through.
That was a few days ago. I know E’Twaun might be feeling a little shy about paying that huge amount of money, but man, I got a family to feed here. This isn’t a joke. I need that $325,000. And, I mean, it’s a dope catchphrase, and he heard it over the phone, so now he can use it however he wants, and I need to get my money. It’s my work. It’s my slogan.

If I see a billboard with “Who wants some more Moore?” on it I swear I’m exiting this business once and for all. Sometimes a guy can only get bent over and screwed so many times, you know?

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