Amir Johnson, cozy in his Snuggie, was again taking part in his favorite pastime: gauging the internet’s opinion of him. After watching an expertly-edited video entitled “Amir Johnson 22 Points Full Highlights (1/29/2014)”, he scrolled down to view the comments.
He smiled as a fan of his had earnestly made a comment reading, “If his shots can have a better follow through, he can be a thread on mid-range.” Amir knew that his jumper wasn’t the prettiest, but the misspelling of the word “threat” really tickled his fancy. And it gave him an idea.
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Amir’s defender had sagged off to prevent DeMar from entering the paint. DeMar noticed him standing wide open in the wing area and got him the ball. Now all he had to do was sink the open shot. It was the perfect opportunity for his plan to go into action.
Intentionally dropping the ball, he reached under his shorts, into his Under-Armour, to grab several full spools of thread, already removed from their spindles. As teammates and opponents alike scrambled to recover the unexpectedly loose ball, Amir stood in place and artistically arranged the thread on top of his head.
“What the hell, man? What do you think you’re doing?” Kyle Lowry yelled from the bench.
“Look! Look at me!” Amir screamed joyfully, ignoring Kyle’s words, as well as the protests of the coaching staff. “I’m a thread in the midrange!” He laughed crazily as the ball was recovered by the opponent and play moved in the other direction.
“Dude, what the hell are you talking about? Get back on D!”
Amir spun around, arms extended, looking very demented. “Haha! A thread from midrange! Hahahaha!!!!!!”
The four-on-five disadvantage had allowed the opposing team to score, and a timeout was immediately called by an infuriated Dwayne Casey. Disregarding this as well, Amir took off at a sprint towards the tunnel, whooping with glee at his successful joke as multicolored sewing thread trailed behind him. “A thread from miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaange!” came his receding voice, followed by yet more laughter. Then he was gone.