DownToBuck, seasoned businessman and entrepreneur, has a new proposal for Mr. Baynes: The Baynes Bus! It would be like the Bang Bus, but instead of girls getting “picked up” off the “streets” to film indecent videos, the Baynes Bus would actually drive around San Antonio to retrieve real people walking the streets. Then, they would be invited on the bus, where they would be able to just chillax with NBA superstar and noted Kiwi Aron Baynes.
This bus would have all the accoutrements necessary to make it a rad place to hang out. Video games of every era and genre. A fridge and freezer full of ready-to-prepare microwavable snacks (bagel bites anyone???? woop woop). A sweet stereo loaded with every Jock Jams CD there is. Mini basketball hoops on every wall, placed low enough that you can dunk on them. Big-ass TV’s. Wrestling posters. A wild selection of board games. Guest appearances by rap-metal pioneers Stuck Mojo, as well as those guys who wrote the “Hey now, you’re an all-star” song (pending them responding to my tweets). And, of course, Aron Baynes himself, all 6’10” of him.
I would videotape these encounters and sell them on a website tentatively called baynesbus.com. Then, even if you don’t live within range of the Baynes Bus, you can take the fun home with you. Quench your voyeuristic desire to watch a balding forty-year-old office worker hold a fake dunk contest with an end-of-the-bench NBA scrub while one of those strobe-light ball things spins on the floor! Or observe as a homeless woman eats all the Hot Pockets and then exits the bus without acknowledging either Baynes or the camera crew!
All I’m gonna need is a few hundred thousands bucks to pull this off. Are you listening, Aron?