Nicolas Batum 20 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (5/10/2014)

In this series, Nicolas “I Want To Punch Juan Carlos Navarro In The Balls” Batum is the only bright spot on an embarrassingly-outmatched Blazers team. While his teammates struggle to tie their shoes and navigate food from their fork to their mouth, Batum is showing that he is worth the money that he was paid in the offseason.

What would really spark the flagging Blazers would be if Batum just hauled off and smashed his fist into Manu Ginobili’s nuts. Then, while Ginobili is on the ground, nursing his groin, Batum can grab the nearest microphone and yell into it, “I just wanted to give him something to flop about.” Batum has shown a willingness to do this in the past, and while he would get suspended for the rest of the playoffs, his teammates would hopefully respond with increased ball-movement and more effort on the defensive end.

Then again, the Blazers minus Batum would be almost totally useless, considering how much he handles the ball (haha, a pun!). So, maybe Batum should hold off on initiating the termination sequence for Ginobili’s nads until they’re about two minutes away from getting swept.

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