If you’ve been following along, you’ll know that Kyle Korver has stolen multiple girlfriends from me, using his unbeatable combination of wealth, prestige, and handsomeness to woo away multiple girls who swore they loved me. All it takes is one glimpse of his face on the TV and they run off like they’re gonna reenact one of those god damn romance novels that women are always reading.
I’m pretty sure some famous musician or band or something wrote a song about not believing in love anymore. Whoever that guy was, he’s on to something. Starting yesterday, there will be no more girlfriends in DTB’s future. I mean, why bother, when licking Kyle Korver’s sculpted pecs is like prime directive #1 for every single female on the planet?
Nobody ever wants to lick my pecs, such as they are. I even spice them up with AXE body spray so they taste sexy.
Anyway, I already had my resolve tested when the cutie at McDonald’s flirted with me while I waited for my hashy-browns. I can admit that she was pleasing to my eye, but I just pretended to be super-interested in reading the rules for McDonald’s Monopoly until she stopped smiling at me. This is called “being alpha” and it works every time.
That chick is probably thinking about me right now. Joke’s on her, all I’m thinking about is whose highlights I’m going to do next. I am so done with women.