Jabari Parker 11 Points/2 Dunks Full Highlights (10/31/2014)

Jabari Parker gave out handfuls of candy to all trick-or-treaters who came to his door yesterday. Inspired by his heartless actions, I undertook a similar policy for all the costume-clad kiddies who showed up at my place for Halloween. However, instead of candy, I handed out dollops of my hard-won basketball knowledge, because I can’t really afford candy (or anything) for the time being.

Here’s an example of how those interactions went down:


[dtb] “Oh wow, a spooky skeleton! Did you know that there’s a real skeleton inside of you waiting to pop of your skin at any second?”

[kid] “Where’s the candy?”

[me] “Hey, did you also know that Mike James once scored twenty points per game over a season? And that Yinka Dare got just four assists in over 1,000 minutes of on-court action? Bismack Biyombo isn’t doing much better, he had eight assists in a thousand minutes last year. Boy, is that guy a bust.”

[kid] “If you don’t give me any candy, I’m going to call the police.”

I just shut the door at that point. Not only do kids these days not appreciate true basketball savantry, but they’re assholes besides.

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