The Lakers’ time is up. Their core of Bryant, Lin, and ???? is going nowhere other than the bottom of the standings. Randle is not going to win ROTY rolling around in a wheelchair. Nick Young, even if he does come back, will provide not wins, but $wag. Jordan Hill and his hair can shoot J’s all day to make the games watchable, but even all those fun-looking black strands on his head can’t provide a playoff berth.
Luckily for Lakers fans, there is another basketball team in the SAME EXACT CITY that you can root for. No other fanbase has the luxury of being able to choose between two teams. The Clippers are good RIGHT NOW, and Kobe won’t care if you switch alliances. He only wants to score points.
Let’s face it, the only reason you’re such an ardent fan if because of the Shaq/Kobe days. When Kobe finally terminates his human life on this earth by transforming into star-matter and journeying to the farthest reaches of the cosmos, there finding the sacred enlightenment that has eluded him here on Earth, that will truly be the severance of the last tie you had to the Lakers.
I’m going to be honest here. If there was a team called the Milwaukee Cheesemakers and they were a virtual lock to win fifty games for the foreseeable future, I would forget all about Jabari Parker and the Bucks. I would even change my name to PleaseToCheese. I just want to watch some wins for once.