Kris Humphries 16 Points Full Highlights (11/15/2014)

Staring blankly at his phone, Kris Humphries tried in vain to process the picture in front of him. There, looking right back at him like a grocery bag containing two watermelons, was his ex-girlfriend’s rear end.

That butt was supposed to be for his and his eyes only. That had been one of their wedding-day vows. Well, not that wording exactly, but it had been implied that Kris would be the only man allowed to look at her naked butt, and she would be the only woman allowed to look at his.

“Kris, did you see that picture of Kim Kardash-oops!” Otto Porter yelled, catching his mistake quickly after looking over Kris’ shoulder. “My bad, man. I know you still have feelings for her.”

“I do not!” Kris protested, closing the browser on his phone. “I just wanted to see what a whore she’s been since we divorced.”

“Pssh. Whatever, man,” Otto responded. “Even if she’s displaying her charms for everybody on the internet to see, you know you’d go back to her in a heartbeat.”

Kris shook his head. “No I wouldn’t.” This time, though, his words were softer.

“Anyway, see you around,” Otto said, clapping Kris on the shoulder and leaving the locker room. As soon as he was alone, Kris immediately brought back the browser window he had just closed, gazing again at the supple, glowing flesh.

“I miss that butt,” Kris moaned mournfully, before a single tear ran down his face. “And not only that, I miss her, too.”

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