Al Jefferson 28 Points Full Highlights (12/17/2014)

Well, it happened again. I wasn’t watching this game, but I was keeping tabs on it, and when I saw that Big Al had eighteen points in the first quarter, I started entering the hype zone.

My friends, you do not want to enter the hype zone without first taking the proper precautions. And you really, really don’t want to exit the hype zone without preparing your body for the sudden loss of hype.

The first thing I did was go on the internet and buy as many Al Jefferson Fatheads as they had in stock. Amazon, Home Depot, I went to every website that sells the novelty wall decals. So what if he’s wearing Jazz colors in all of them? I was in the hype zone, where rationality and temperance are wholly absent.

I called all my friends and told them that Big Al was going to drop seventy, maybe eighty. Most of them didn’t know who I was talking about. I also called random numbers and gave them the same information. The gospel of Big Al had to be spread!

Finally, I deleted every video on my channel that wasn’t Al Jefferson highlights. They were down for about six hours until I managed to beg somebody at YouTube to put them all back. But at the time, I was fully devoted to the idea of turning “BigAlsBigPal” into an Al-Jefferson-only channel.

I wasn’t even watching the game. I was in a state of mind where the actual basketball was secondary to fulfilling my need to hype up Al Jefferson. Nobody ever told me that Big Al went scoreless in the second quarter. I had to find out by accidentally looking at a box score.

That’s when the hype ended. Realizing that he might not even hit fifty caused me to crash. My heart rate slowed down like I was going into hibernation, and I’m pretty sure my legs were paralyzed for a while, because I couldn’t walk anywhere. It sounds a little bit morbid now, but I just laid down on the floor and waited for death to whisk me away in its menacing black jaws. That’s what happens when your BHL (Blood Hype Level) gets too low too quickly. With the object of your hype not performing up to the hype, your body and brain resist violently, often with painful results.

I’m okay now, but that’s it for me. No more hype.

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