Gordon Hayward 31 Points/7 Assists/3 Dunks Full Highlights (1/16/2015)

With Gordon Hayward sporting a slick new haircut, is he officially the most handsome dude in the NBA? Before you call into doubt my sexual preferences, handsomeness is an attribute that can be evaluated objectively. It is based entirely on cheekbone structure, hairstyle, skin clearness, and several other factors. My physical attraction to him would have nothing to do with it, if I were even physically attracted to him, which I am not. So just shut up.

The answer is yes. Officially. Gordon Hayward is officially the handsomest dude in the whole league, even with his eternal babyface. He has supplanted Kyle Korver. Officially. Now I’m going to have to worry about this dude stealing my girlfriends like Kyle did and would continue to do if I even bothered having GF’s anymore. Sorry, hot Latina neighbor chick. You’re going to have to wait for your warm, extra-large slice of DTB pie.

Back to the topic at hand. This is a much greater accomplishment for Gordon than the title he previously held, which was “most handsome Starcraft player”. I don’t want to diss PC gamers because they are the master race, and anybody who uses consoles is just a casual plebe sucking at the teat of Cawadoody like a newborn baby, but they’re not exactly an attractive bunch. Gordon could walk into any LAN party in the world and look like Hercules surrounded by disfigured hunchback midgets with acne.

His next step: become the most attractive person in the Utah Jazz organization. Cheerleader Jesseca is in the lead right now but every passing day renders her less attractive as she leaves her prime years behind her.

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