Jared Sullinger is in possession of a donk that would make any trashy girl jealous, and probably a fair few non-trashy girls as well. You could transplant it onto a notoriously pancake-assed celebrity like Mila Kunis and she would instantly be the most sought-after actress in the business. I mean, if Jared’s rear end looks oversized on his own gigantic body, imagine if you put it on a petite female body. It would truly be an asspocalypse.
How’s this for a description idea: Kris Humphries, still mourning over the loss of Kim Khardashian and her heinie, is playing defense against Jared Sullinger and then gets transfixed by Jared’s butt, thinking that it is the butt of his former lover. Then, in the locker room showers, Kris jumps out of the shadows and does indecent things to Jared’s butt. How funny would that be? The Wizards and Celtics don’t play again this year, but I’m sure they’ll both still be around next year. I hope I remember.