Evan Turner 30 Points Full Highlights (3/13/2015)

Evan Turner: Alien?

You may scoff, but by the time you are done reading this carefully reasoned description, you will be convinced that Evan Turner is not a human being, as the mainstream media would have you believe, but an extraterrestrial from outer space.

Exhibit A: His eyes were like super bugged out in every thumbnail image I got for this video. You can see it for yourself: his eyes are not human sized. Hmmmm. Why would that be, I wonder? Is it because HE IS ACTUALLY AN ALIEN?

Exhibit B: He’s always wearing green colored clothing to distract us simple-minded humans from the greenness of his skin. It doesn’t really show up clearly in the thumbnail or the video, but his skin is definitely green. Not a “foliage green” really, more of a “money green”. Humans come in a bunch of colors, but green is not one of them. Evan Turner is an alien.

Exhibit C: The first two should be enough to convince you, but if you need a third, I can send you an authentic picture of his spaceship.

There you have it. Evan Turner may be a good basketball player, but he is also of a species not our own, a species from another world. 30 points is impressive for an Earthling, perhaps less so for a card-carrying member of the alien race.

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