“Dear Diary,
Today I showed coach Lue that I should be the starter and not that idiot J.R. or old-ass D-Wade. With those two scrubs on the court they let the Magic destroy them, and the Magic aren’t even a good team. If I had been out there and the beginning I would have played actual defense and I would have hit actual shots instead of J.R. chucking dumb threes in between hits on his bong.
Dwyane is so old. I can’t believe everybody thought that he would suddenly be good just because he got to play with his BFF LeBron.
Speaking of LeBron, I heard him say after the game that he’s frustrated with how poor those two guys are playing. I bet when he saw me do all those fancy dribble moves in isolation that he went and told coach Lue that I’m the best shooting guard on the team and that I should start. Soon me and LeBron will be the best friends on the team because my defense, athleticism, and jumpshooting ability make me a perfect next to him.
If I don’t get more minutes at the beginning of games, I’m going to tell the Cavs that I want a trade again, because it’s ridiculous how somebody with my elite ability is marginalized this way. Then they can have fun with their washed-up shooting guard lineup. I totally know how Kyrie was feeling.
That’s all for now, Diary. Thanks for listening.
P.S. Dwyane Wade sucks
-Iman”