Buddy Hield 25 Points Full Highlights (11/19/2018)

So today I went out to the local U-Haul and rented a moving truck for the day. The girl at the counter asked me what I was using it for and I didn’t want to tell her the truth (which would have taken a long time to tell, plus she wouldn’t even believe it) so I told her that my grandpa’s a hoarder who just died (the dead part is true at least) and we have to move his piles of junk to a storage unit. Then she tried to sell me the storage units that they have on the premises and I had to lie again and say I already had rented one somewhere else. This is why I don’t go outside very often. People are exhausting.

I really prefer the company of my 12-foot-tall sentient purple plastic 3D-printed statue of Buddy Hield. He doesn’t communicate with words like humans do, but I find that he can, paradoxically, be easier to understand than real-life humans who communicate in English. It’s like we’re always on the same wavelength. I don’t want to get into any spiritual mumbo jumbo, but me and Buddy are like soulmates matched up through something more than random chance.

Not romantic soulmates, though. He’s naked all the time but I don’t think of him that way. I think about women that way. Not dudes and not plastic dudes.

So I rented the moving truck but it occurred to me that I couldn’t park it at my apartment complex because then people would think I was moving out. Then they would pry and ask questions. Any time that people are prying into my life, I get nervous because it means that they’re one step closer to discovering that I’m housing a giant purple replica of an NBA player in my residence. Since I couldn’t keep the truck there, I parked it a mile away in a disused parking lot and then walked home.

Later that night I told Buddy that he should get ready for our adventure to the zoo in the big city. That’s the whole reason I rented the truck: so he could be comfortable during the hour-plus drive to get to the zoo. He got so excited when I told him where we were going. I reminded him that we’re going to the zoo after it’s closed and there might be security guards so we have to be careful. He nodded like he understood, and I’m sure he did understand because he understands everything. He’s so smart.

So, around midnight, I went back to get the truck and drove it up pretty much to my front door so Buddy could sneak right in the back without anybody noticing him. He brought a bunch of blankets and pillows to keep himself comfortable. Then we started driving. It was kind of sad in a way because I like having him around to keep me company, but I was all alone in the front and he was all alone in the back. He was probably so excited to see the goats at the zoo that he didn’t care about how he was all by himself for the first time in a long time.

After a long drive, we got to the zoo. The gates to the parking lot were closed but I just drove around them, it wasn’t a big deal. I could see the security cameras and just had to hope nobody was monitoring them. Buddy had already figured out where the petting zoo was in relation to all the different places to park, so I parked in the spot closest to the petting zoo and then let Buddy out of the back. He was smiling and clapping his hands because he was so happy that he got to see the goats again, but I had to tell him to stop clapping in case somebody heard. Then he was quiet except he was softly gibbering to himself.

He picked me up and laid me gently over the fence that was between the parking lot and the zoo proper, then climbed over himself. With my flashlight in hand, me and my best friend started to explore the dark, empty zoo.

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