“Dear Diary,
The winter season in Minnesota is filled with many trials. The cold is harsh, but can be warded off with adequate layers of clothing. The lack of sunlight is depressing, but the bright lights of the arena are helpful. The Christmastime gift-giving season is tiresome, but fulfilling in its own way. However, this is one aspect of Minnesotan winters which has not been made more bearable with the passage of time is that evil form of precipitation known to the residents of this land as “snow”, although I will call it by its true name: the cursed white sand of Satan himself.
It is truly perverse. The inhabitants of Minnesota are so fond of these deadly granules flung to Earth by Lucifer that they willingly go outside during these precipitation events. Meanwhile, I am forced to live the life of a hermit, only leaving my residence in the most urgent of circumstances. If even one grain of the cursed white sand touches my body, it burns a hole straight through my skin and out the other side. My teammates make fun of my winter attire, which consists of six layers of coats which are tied with twine to ensure an airtight seal. I cannot risk even one particle of the devil’s precipitation touching me. Death is a real possibility.
The month of March here in Minnesota was especially brutal. It seemed like the cursed white sand would fall from the sky nearly every other day. It was so pervasive that even the slow-minded residents of this cursed land began to complain about it. For once, I felt kinship with these people. We were united in purpose – united against the Satanic “snow”. When they bitterly wished for spring to arrive, I nodded with them, glad that they were finally seeing that demonic white powder for what it was: a creation of Satan to torment the land of Minnesota for past transgressions of an unknown nature.
It is April now and the cursed white sand is unlikely to reappear for at least six months. I can finally live without anxiety and terror. Now that I am no longer burdened by fear of the cursed white sand, the quality of my play has improved, and I receive minutes again. If I wish to have a long and successful career, the only option would be to trade me somewhere where the evil sand cannot harrass me. I will talk to the team’s leadership about this. I would miss my teammates, but their friendship is worth less to me than my own peace of mind.
-Gorgui”