Derrick White honestly looks like a Realdoll version of Derrick White. Not that I know what a Realdoll looks like or anything. I’m just saying, his facial features don’t look fully human. He looks like what an idealized version of Derrick White would look like if you were trying to make him as cute as possible. I think it’s the eyes. He’s got them big ol’ kawaii uguu~ eyeballs that glisten when the lighting is just right.
This is a marketing opportunity for the Spurs that they’re not utilizing nearly as much as they should be. Can you imagine how many Derrick White Realdolls they would sell if they just got a display case up in the Spurs Pro Shop (or whatever the Spurs call their team shop)? Sales would be split 33/33/33 between: a.) Little girls who love dolls and don’t realize that a life-sized Derrick White doll is kinda weird b.) Teenaged to young-adult males who think it would be funny to own a life-sized Derrick White doll and c.) Adult women who fall in love with his anime-style googly eyes and want something to hug while they go to sleep. I hope the members of group c aren’t disappointed that the Derrick White Realdoll isn’t quite…fully anatomically accurate.
As always, royalties from sales of the Derrick White Realdoll should be funneled directly into my bank account since I’m the one who came up with the genius idea. Also, send me the prototype version so I can hang it up on my bedroom wall and freak myself out with it.