Every NBA Player’s First Field Goal This Season (2020-21 Season Full-ilation Part I)

https://youtu.be/ZSKdj5OOc5g

It’s a tradition as old as time, if time only went back half a decade or so: renowned highlights purveyor DownToBuck waiting until the end of the off-season to upload his so-called “full-ilation”, which shows the first made field goal of every player who had the honor of actually making a field goal in a given season (in this case, the 2020-21 season).

Since the players are depicted in FGM order, the most recognizable players are in Part I. The least recognizable players are in Part IV. Your enjoyment of the series should increase as you go through the parts; if it doesn’t, then you should stick to watching ESPN because my channel is definitely not for you.

0:00 What better way to inaugurate the full-ilation than by having the league MVP cook a team who is cursed to never have an MVP or even make the playoffs?

0:10 Two Nikolas in the top 3. Zero Nikolas in the bottom 537.

0:24 I think that “woosh” sound you hear is heavy breathing, although it could be the sound effect for some aborted on-screen graphics transition.

0:28 See that big dribble? I call that the “50 chicken minis dribble” because if you laid 50 chicken minis from Chick-fil-A end-to-end, that’s how far the dribble went from Giannis’ hand before hitting the court, minus about 25 chicken minis.

0:41 If you didn’t notice the advertisement for $9.99 BWW’s and then immediately pause the video to find out exactly what the deal entails, that might mean that we can’t be friends anymore. Come back when you hold the proper reverence for chicken wings in your heart.

1:02 That’s four deep midrange jimbos in a row from LaVine, Irving, Westbrick, and Brown. I would declare this moment to be the rebirth of the midrange, but the midrange won’t truly be reborn until we use CRISPR to clone MJ, Karl Malone, and P.J. Brown.

1:07 Every year I have to apologize that the font I use doesn’t have apostrophes. This year I am not sorry and I am not apologizing. Instead, I revel in the fact that at least one hapless viewer read Fox’s in their head as “DEER-ON”.

1:26 This is the first player where you should be dismayed at how high they are in the list of FGM.

1:48 Matt Harpring just got fired so you’d better relish his commentary wherever it appears in this video. FUN DTB FACT: one of my first ever original NBA opinions was “I hate Matt Harpring”.

2:00 Remember at the beginning of the season how all the national games were randomly out-of-sync between the commentary and the on-court action? Those were dark times.

2:14 Am I allowed to go on NBA adventures?

2:58 Dillon Brooks is ahead of Ja Morant. I’m going to throw up. Note that Jonas Valanciunas being ahead of Ja Morant did not make me throw up. It did not make me even slightly nauseated.

3:49 This shot is apparently a “fallback gun” (?)

4:01 Yelling “AND ONE” truly has no meaning anymore.

4:15 No Richaun Holmes push shot-ilation this year, but you can watch this clip on repeat two hundred times if you want to pretend.

4:29 When I went back to put player names on all these clips, I thought this was Kevin Durant. No lie.

4:37 The craziest thing about this clip is not the big putback dunk from Doug McBuckets. It’s the fact that Kevin Knox is on the court in the first quarter of a game.

4:40 If you listen closely, you can hear James Harden yelling “TRADE ME” to the rhythm of his moobs slapping together.

5:09 This sort of undisciplined shot-selection just a minute into the season guaranteed that Rockets fans were going to be in for a fun time.

5:25 Insert Ben Simmons layup joke here. God, this is so easy. Get me on Comedy Central, I’m killing it over here.

5:50 Fond memories of Kelly Oubre going 2-of-30 from three in his first six games as a Warrior.

5:58 Jae’Sean Tate being in the middle of Part I is the first true surprise of the video.

6:18 Six dollar Papadias!!!! AND SIDES!!!!!!!! Be still my beating heart.

6:22 If a notoriously low-volume scorer like Kyle Anderson can be in Part I, I might as well scrap my whole system and just put players in random order. Next up: Trey Lyles.

6:43 AD then decided that this type of power move was too much work, and he spent the rest of the season shooting lazy midrange jimbos.

7:08 Another surprise entry in Part I. Dwayne Bacon should be in Part VII.

7:17 Yelling “BUCKETS” in reference to Lonzo Ball seems like an egregious misattribution when Zion and Ingram are standing right there in your line of sight.

7:43 Disappointed with this one. I wanted to see Drummond flinging garbage at the rim and padding his offensive rebound totals before finally clanging in a goofy no-look hook shot on his fifth try.

8:09 At #116 in the FGM leaderboards, Darius Bazley is the highest-appearing player who shot below 40% from the field.

9:04 More pick-and-rolls is a good thing. Says the guy who hasn’t seen the Bucks run a pick-and-roll since Giannis threw an oop to Miles Plumlee that one time in 2015.

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