OFFICIAL KIWI NBA PLAYERS ALL-TIME POWER RANKINGS
1. Steven Adams. I don’t want to throw around terms like “top ten center” or “DeAndre Jordan 2.0 with better hair” but since I just typed them I guess I’m throwing them around now. Let’s just put it this way: New Zealand’s flag is going to have a silhouette of this guy’s head on it when all is said and done. And not just for one day to celebrate his retirement or whatever. They’re going to update their flag permanently for FOREVER.
2. Sean Marks. Gets the nod over Baynes because of his surprising longevity. Eleven seasons and not a single one over five points per game? Was he the Kiwi Desagana Diop? Anyway, he has a ring from playing on the 04-05 Spurs even though he didn’t actually get on the court in the playoffs. Maybe he doesn’t have a ring after all. I wouldn’t give him one anyway.
3. Aron Baynes. The Spurs probably got him to be the next Sean Marks. Inferior to Adams in every way, especially when it comes to head hair and facial hair. And dunks. Both of them score highly in the “oddly-spelled name” category.
[KIWI GAP]
4. Kirk Penney. Apparently this dude went to college in Wisconsin so I should have heard of him, but this is the first time I’m seeing his name. I bet he dominated Europe or New Zealand or Australia but he was a non-factor in the NBA. He’s also in fourth on the “OFFICIAL KIRK NBA PLAYERS ALL-TIME POWER RANKINGS” if you don’t include Alex Kirk.