If the Sacramento Kings aren’t taking advantage of De’Aaron Fox’s last name by creating and selling a Kings-branded, purple-colored fox plushie with a firework of black hair on its head, I’m going to be over here SMHing my head because of their lack of business sense.
If there’s one rule in marketing, it’s that human beings love soft, cute things. This extends from real-life live animals (like tarsiers, baby capybaras, and kittens in a big box) to likenesses of animals made out of fabric or faux fur. Anything that fits these criteria, you can sell for any price (LITERALLY ANY PRICE) and people will flock to them like Soviet-era Russians to a discarded piece of moldy bread. It’s a guaranteed money-making machine. Printing hundred-dollar bills out of a laser printer and cutting it with scissors would actually be a slower method of making money than selling cute animal toys. Especially if they look like De’Aaron Fox and a baby fox combined.
I know for a fact that this idea is viable because I fashioned by own “De’Aaron Fox Fox” out of construction paper, abandoned carpet I found on the curb, and paper clips. It’s not quite as cuddly as the real thing would be, but the too-big eyes I drew on it make it really cute. I’ve been sleeping with it in my bed for the past week straight and I’m actually sort of attached to it now. It’s comforting. If I crushed it with my body accidentally, I would probably have a nervous breakdown. I’m confident that, even in this prototype stage, people would buy it for at least thirty bucks. A real one made from real slave labor in Bangladesh would fetch sixty, seventy, a hundred bucks. For two dollars of material, two dollars shipping, and thirty cents of labor. And ten bucks for me because it was my idea first.
You could even call them “Foxy Foxes”. Or “Fox Foxies”.
Why am I such a genius compared to everybody else?