We interrupt your normally scheduled “Young Andrew Wiggins at Basketball Camp Which May or May Not Turn Totally Weird” story to present you a breaking news update: The Timberwolves are totally stacked. Yes, people said that early last year, and, yes, last year Minnesota really sucked. That was then. This is now. That was before…
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Zach LaVine 18 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (11/25/2015)
Is it just me (when I start a description like that you know it isn’t), or does Zach LaVine have consistently the lamest assists ever? Maybe one in ten highlight videos he has an assist that is actually highlight-worthy; the rest are simple perimeter passes or things that shouldn’t even be counted as assists. Unfortunately…
Read MoreDamjan Rudez 13 Points Full Highlights (11/25/2015)
Timberwolves fans haven’t gotten to see much of Damjan Rudez yet this season. Is he Mexican? Spanish like Ricky? They don’t know, how could they? Damjan has had his butt gorilla-glued to the bench. Now they know: he is white! That doesn’t really rule out him being Spanish, but at the same time it opens…
Read MoreAndrew Wiggins 32 Points Full Highlights (11/23/2015)
“But mommmmm, I don’t want to go to this stupid basketball camp. It sounds super gay,” said thirteen-year-old Andrew Wiggins, who sat, arms crossed and scowling, in the back of his mom’s minivan. “We can turn back right now and I’ll forgive you.” “But Andy honey, it will be fun!” his mother responded cheerily, not…
Read MoreKarl-Anthony Towns 18 Points Full Highlights (11/20/2015)
With each game that passes, Karl Anthony-Towns looks more and more likely to win Rookie of the Year. Who else is even in consideration? Kristaps? That’s about it, unless you think that Justise Winslow’s defense is enough to propel him to victory. Here’s a hint: it’s not, because ROY is about counting stats and counting…
Read MoreKarl-Anthony Towns 21 Points/6 Blocks Full Highlights (11/18/2015)
Hello Minnesota Timberwolves, I am writing to register my interest in applying for your “fan” position. I think I have the qualifications you are looking for in a fan of your team. For one thing, I am a very skilled cheerer. When someone on a favored sports team does something good, I am the first…
Read MoreAndrew Wiggins 24 Points Full Highlights (11/17/2015)
I’m tired of Andrew Wiggins. He keeps having good scoring games, and pretty soon he’ll be an All-Star or something. YAWN. Where’s the fun in that? Watching players be good is such a drag. What I want is some team to pick up Andrew’s brother, Nick Wiggins. That would be sick. Like the 76ers or…
Read MoreZach LaVine 25 Points Full Highlights (11/15/2015)
How much veteran wisdom do you think Kevin Garnett dispenses on a daily basis? Is it like a wisdom trickle, or a wisdom torrent? He obviously has a lot of it to share, since he’s the vettest vet in the whole league, but if I were him, I’d guard my secrets carefully and only divulge…
Read MoreAndrew Wiggins 26 Points Full Highlights (11/13/2015)
This may come off as heresy, given my nominal status as a Bucks fan, but I would so rather have Andrew Wiggins than Jabari Parker right now. There’s just no comparison. If Jabari scored 26 points tonight in the manner that Wiggins just did, everyone would freak out. Nonstop. But when Wiggins actually does do…
Read MoreZach LaVine 26 Points Full Highlights (11/13/2015)
Looking through the multitude of Zach LaVine descriptions that I have written in my long and prolific Zach-LaVine-description-writing career, not one of them is a funny or poignant story about the funny or poignant things that happen to him. Mostly I just analyze the state of his team. This is an oversight that I hope…
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