It’s not too late for Devin Booker to win Rookie of the Year. He just needs a little help to do it.
If we were talking strictly about in-game performances, then yeah, it’s probably too late for him to be crowned the best rookie. It would take multiple 50-point games for him to be even close, and even then it likely wouldn’t be enough. Karl-Anthony Towns simply has too big of a lead.
But what if something “happened” that made Towns and other rookies suddenly undesirable? Here’s what I’m offering to D-Book so that he can be ROY: my video editing skills. Not talking about highlights here. This is gonna be a little more… eye-opening.
I figure I have enough footage at my disposal to make it APPEAR as if Towns and Kristaps Porzingis are hanging out, doing typical rookie stuff, before they both pull down their shorts and start injecting hypodermic needles full of bleeding-edge steroids into each other’s heinies. While they are doing this, Jahlil Okafor, off-screen, will be commentating, saying stuff like “Yeah guys, that’s how you do it, I should know, because I’ve been taking performance-enhancing drugs for years.” and “Right in the butt, yup, that’s the best way to do it, feels weird at first, but pretty soon you won’t be able to play a game without your ass first looking like a firework of syringes.” and “I asked Devin if he wanted to join in, but that pussy said he’d never ever do steroids ever. It’s like he doesn’t want to win!”
Now, of course, none of this will have really happened, but I will be able to make it LOOK LIKE it did. That’s all that matters. As I said, I have a lot of footage at my disposal, and I have the ability to edit it convincingly enough to create falsehoods. Once public opinion has been shifted against those three rookie bigmen, nothing will be able to shift it back.
With them out of the picture, the voters will have no choice but to make Booker the Rookie of the Year. No choice at all. Just say the word, Devin, and I’ll have the incriminating footage in your inbox within 24 hours.