Dwayne Bacon 26 Points Full Highlights (3/28/2021)

https://youtu.be/izOVyhzkJCI When Nikola Vucevic, Aaron Gordon, and Evan Fournier all got scattered across the league at the trade deadline, Terrence Ross had the perfect response. He posted that picture of the emaciated-looking Somalian pirate saying “I’m the captain now.” This was in reference to the fact that the Magic no longer had any good players,…

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Chuma Okeke 22 Points Full Highlights (3/26/2021)

https://youtu.be/0TdT7m3UvIk The only time of the season that is more fruitful for scrubs/role-players than the very final game of the year is the game right after the trade deadline. Assuming, of course, that they weren’t traded during that time. The players that remain on some of the teams that got caught up in the trading…

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Chuma Okeke 17 Points Full Highlights (3/24/2021)

https://youtu.be/RdGVyH6FWno Chuma “Chum Bucket” Okeke has sort of flown under the radar for me, given that he’s just another one of the Magic’s glut of underwhelming wing players. Since I’m semi-retired, my motivation to keep on top of every single roster in the league is lessened, and the Magic are at the bottom of my…

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Michael Carter-Williams 21 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (2/12/2021)

https://youtu.be/tgqLn1fsMK8 I was totally ready to not make this video, because this is my seventh video from last night’s slate of games and that’s way too many for a guy who is supposed to be retired from making highlight videos. But then I started scrolling through Michael Carter-William’s gamelogs and I unearthed a disturbing fact:…

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Cole Anthony 21 Points Full Highlights (1/25/2021)

https://youtu.be/rAYpNK5IG7k (I will attempt to write this video description while ably skirting around the fact that Cole Anthony’s hair totally looks like a lampshade.) Being a Magic fan is pain. It’s been pain since Dwight left. The only good things that ever happened to Magic fans are miraculous game 1 wins against top-seeded Raptors and…

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Markelle Fultz Career High 26 Points Full Highlights (12/27/2020)

https://youtu.be/DQujqNwrNyY Good news, Magic fans! D.J. Augustin is no longer anywhere in the vicinity of central Florida, which means that everybody’s favorite first-overall pick can get all the minutes he wants and continue the revitalization of his career. That sub-six-foot ball-pounder can go pound the ball somewhere else (sob), and Mr. Markelle Fultz only has…

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Markelle Fultz 14 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (8/29/2020)

The simmering season-long torment of the downtrodden Magic Fan comes to an end as the undermanned Magic, who surprisingly grabbed game 1 of this series away from the Bucks, sputter to an uninspiring 1-4 finish to complement their uninspiring 33-40 regular season record. Don’t worry, fans of the rudderless Orlando franchise! The mental anguish that…

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Markelle Fultz 15 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (8/24/2020)

I just can’t pass up opportunities to make Sixers’ fans’ lives even more dismal than they already are after the Celtics swept them right out of the playoffs and right out of The Bubb. That’s why now is a perfect time to note that Markelle Fultz would have been a useful addition to the Sixers’…

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Terrence Ross 20 Points Full Highlights (8/22/2020)

Just for fun, I wanted to see where Terrence Ross’s zero-point, 0-of-10 shooting performance in the Magic’s fifth bubble game ranked in terms of horrible bubble games. It’s gotta be pretty low, right? He shot a bunch of shots and didn’t make any of them. Using basketball-reference’s “Game Score” stat, which is a rough numerical…

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D.J. Augustin 24 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (8/22/2020)

In case you missed it, D.J. “Founder of Modern Christian Thought” Augustin set a playoff record last game by scoring ten points without making a field goal (this record is only for the three-point era because I want him to have the record and he doesn’t have it if players from the 1950’s qualify). Nobody…

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