OFFICIAL DTB POST-CAREER PREDICTIONS: AL JEFFERSON EDITION
I predict that after retiring from the NBA, Al Jefferson will star in a Food Network show called “Big Al’s Big BBQ Journey” where he drives around the American south in a ratty old RV and eats at any little independent BBQ restaurants he can find. Each episode will have a little intro at the beginning talking about the history of the restaurant and it will show clips of them making big pots of macaroni and cheese or something. Al will be pretty overweight by this point so a large part of the appeal of the show will be the viewers watching him eat huge amounts of food while burping. He’ll also use his clothes as napkins.
Season Two will build on this momentum by changing the format of the show to a sort of Man vs. Food concept where the whole point of the show is to make the restaurants give Al so much food that he can never finish. The end of each episode will show him slumped over in his seat with a half-eaten BBQ rib hanging out of his mouth or a big ol’ beef brisket sandwich dropping in slo-mo from his hand into his lap. Then his handlers drag him back into the RV where he recovers by watching VHS movies on a tiny old TV.
I haven’t figured out Season Three yet. It might morph yet again into a Hell’s Kitchen-type thing where Big Al is the “Big Busta” who bodyslams cooks who screw up their dishes, or it might just be a cooking show where Big Al grills meat on his grill outside his house. The grill will be called “Big Al’s Big Grill” because it will be a really big grill and he’ll probably put a whole pig on it.
Thus concludes this edition of Official DTB Post-Career Predictions.